


Getting Attached

by han_the_banan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Harry Potter, Abusive Dursley Family (Harry Potter), Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Hermione Granger, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Foster Kid Harry Potter, Harry Needs a Hug, Harry Potter is Bad at Feelings, Indian Harry Potter, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Recreational Drug Use, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Slow Burn, Theodore Nott is a good friend, Underage Drinking, stoner harry, stoner remus lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25344652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/han_the_banan/pseuds/han_the_banan
Summary: Foster kid Harry Potter has come to terms with the fact that the universe is out to get him and that his life will be filled with bad luck. But will his newest foster parents and the students at Hogwarts boarding school change his mind?I'm awful at summaries and I know the title kinda sucks. But this is my first fic so please be nice. I am but a soft bean. :)Also, trigger warnings will be at the beginning of each chapter so look out for that.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Fred Weasley, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Theodore Nott & Harry Potter
Comments: 79
Kudos: 282





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *TW: Child Abuse, Cursing
> 
> You won't see most of the characters I tagged until at least chapter 2. But I'm trying not to spoil anything with the tags so there will be more as I update.

Nine-year-old Harry Potter was doing his daily chores, albeit slower than usual due to one arm being out of commission. Last week, Uncle Vernon came home, face already purple with rage. The young boy knew that night was not going to end well for him. It didn’t matter that the child had nothing to do with his uncle being passed up for a promotion. In fact, he couldn’t even remember what reasoning, if any, was given for his punishment. But he did know that his arm was at least fractured, if not broken. His aunt and uncle couldn’t have been bothered by taking him to the hospital but Harry wasn’t fussed about it. He had gotten remarkably good at first aid for someone his age. He made a splint for his arm using a book and some duct tape and he used his thickest winter scarf and fashioned a sling to keep it still.

There was a knock at the door and Harry, being the only one in the home, as his aunt and uncle had taken their son to the local swimming pool, answered the door like he was trained to do. He hid his injured arm behind the door as much as possible. He looked up at two police officers one of which was smiling down at him with kind eyes and a brilliant smile, the other scowling while watching the boy with a strange expression on his face, one that Harry couldn’t read and made him nervous.

“Hello. I’m officer Shacklebolt. Are your parents home?” The kind looking man asked the child who promptly shook his head in the negative. “Do you know when they will be home?”

Harry, who had been trained to speak to adults in a way that doesn’t arise suspicion about his home life, chose his words carefully. “No sir, but they shouldn’t be too long. Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to let people into the house when they are away.”

“Smart move kid.” Mumbled the second officer in a gruff voice. Shacklebolt rolled his eyes at his partner and turned his attention back to the boy, opening his mouth to speak when a car pulled into the driveway, honking obnoxiously. Uncle Vernon stuck his head out the window and started demanding to know why the police were at his door. Harry tensed up the tiniest bit, which did not go unnoticed by the second officer. Kingsley turned to the large man as he stepped out of the car. He starts talking explaining to the Dursley’s that there had been a recent burglary a few homes over and how the whole family should be extra careful to lock the doors and keep an eye out for suspicious persons.

Harry leaned forward slightly to hear, unfortunately, that made a bit of his incapacitated arm visible from the other side of the door. At which point the second officer took notice immediately and he pushed the door open and finally took in the full sight of the boy. He was small for his age, looking to be no older than six or seven. He was far too skinny, a characteristic that was only accented by the large clothes he was swimming in. He had bright green eyes that were huge behind his broken glasses and his hair was sticking out all over the place in a messy mop of hair. He had a few dark bruises that were visible and he seemed to shake a bit in response to his relatives pushing past the first officer in an attempt to get into the house.

“Moody.” At that, the second officer whips around and blocks the door to the house from Harry’s fuming uncle.

“LET ME THROUGH THAT GODDAMN DOOR! THIS IS MY HOUSE! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE – ARGH” Harry jumped back as his uncle was pushed forcefully against the wall next to the door by the officer named Moody.

“Shacklebolt. Get the boy to pack a bag and call for backup and a social worker. We will assess the safety of the other child when they get here.”

His partner wasted no time calling in backup using some code for the situation at hand and knelt in front of the boy who was now cowering in the corner with his eyes bulging in fear. “What’s your name?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“H-Harry.” The boy said hesitantly.

“Alright Harry,” Shacklebolt said with a smile. “Why don’t you show me to your room, and we can talk while you pack some of your things in an overnight bag.” A few moments passed with only the sounds of Vernon grunting as he tried to get through the door, Petunia screeching about what the neighbors must be thinking and Officer Moody grumbling obscenities under his breath before Harry nodded and grabbed the kind officer’s extended hand. He led the man down the hallway to a tiny door next to the kitchen. Officer Shacklebolt opened his mouth to question why they weren’t going upstairs when the small boy opened the door and all words died on the tip of the man’s tongue. Inside the cupboard was a thin cot that took up nearly the entire floor. It had a few blankets and a flat pillow on it along with a small teddy bear that was coming apart at the seams. At the foot of the ‘bed’ was a wooden crate that once carried a shipment of apples if the faded labels were anything to go by. Stacked on the crate was a pile of books, a flashlight, and a plastic water bottle. Next to the crate was a small pile of clothes that were worn, had holes and appeared to be far too large for the scrawny boy next to him.

When he looked back down at Harry, the boy was quietly putting his meager belongings into a single large paper bag, which he then clutched tightly with his good hand and looked up at the officer hesitantly. Kingsley Shacklebolt just stared, trying not to cry. Five years on the force and he had never seen anything even remotely close to this situation. Before he could say anything, several officers entered the house followed by a woman he knew to be Amelia Bones. Bones looked between Harry, Kingsley and the cupboard and held back a sigh although her shoulders did drop a bit and her eyes softened.

~~~~~

A few hours later, Harry was sitting in the back of a car with Amelia Bones next to one window with the raven haired boy at the other, his paper bag filled with everything he had ever owned sitting on his lap. He was leaning his head against the window, struggling to stay awake as the sun had already set an hour earlier and he had an eventful day. Officer Shacklebolt and Ms. Bones had sat Harry on the couch and told him that they were going to take him away from his aunt and uncle, at which point the boy burst into tears rambling on with apologies and swears that he was a good boy and begging them not to ship him off to a home for troubled boys. After calming the boy down, they gathered that Vernon Dursley had all but tortured the poor boy and was sent away in a police car. Petunia was assessed as a decent mother to her son, but Harry was to be put into the foster system, something all parties seemed to be pleased with.

After leaving Privet Drive, Harry was taken to the hospital where his arm was properly set and put into a cast while Amelia made phone calls to find an temporary home for the young boy. It was determined that an older lady named Mrs. Figg was to take the child in for the time being. The car stopped in front of her house and after a few introductions, a tour of the house and forms being signed, Amelia left the nine-year-old with a promise to visit in a few days. Harry watched the car drive away from the window and he was hit with sudden realization that he was alone in the world.

~~~~~

The next few years passed in a blur. In and out of a number of foster homes, some being more pleasant than others, and switching schools with alarming regularity. Harry had come to accept the fact that his luck was nonexistent and awaited the day of his eighteenth birthday when he would age out and be allowed to take care of himself, as if he hadn’t been doing so his whole life. He did well enough in school considering the fact that he had yet to stay at the same school for an entire year. And contrary to popular belief, he did try to keep out of trouble. But apparently, Harry had done something to upset the universe and it was taking its sweet revenge on the now sixteen-year-old. His smiles stopped reaching his eyes and his rare laughs were empty of any real emotion. He learned to read body language and always made sure to take note of the closest exit in every room he entered. But most importantly, he learned to never get attached to people.

At the age of fourteen, Harry had been placed into a foster home with a few other kids from the system. Sara, who was a few months away from her eighteenth birthday, at which point she planned to move into a small flat with her boyfriend Justin. Justin spent a lot of time at their foster home and insisted on calling him ‘Haz’ which of course, caught on with the others. Sara liked to tousle Harry’s already messy hair and taught him how to smoke weed. Taylor was ten and her parents had recently died in a car accident, not unlike his own parents had. Harry would help her with her homework after school and learned to braid her hair like her mom used to do. And then there was Theo.

Theo was only two months older than Harry and they often spent nights laying one of their beds in the room they shared, smoking and talking about everything. Theo was the first person Harry told when he realized he was bisexual and Theo just smiled at him and said that he was proud of him before passing the joint. Theo seemed to always know when Harry was about to have a panic attack and he knew exactly what to do to get him through them. Neither of them was very talkative but they communicated without words and quickly learned everything there was to know about each other. Theo had come from a wealthy family, but his mother had died when he was young and his father had been a drunk who liked to beat on his son. He told Harry about how when his father died, he was going to stay with his friend’s family who offered their home to him. He said they would’ve taken him in sooner, but his friend’s father was scared of Mr. Nott, as he was a very powerful man, and Theo couldn’t risk living in a place where his father could get to him so he had to wait. But he called the family on the phone at least once a week which Harry thought was nice. It made Harry happy to know that someone out there loved his friend as much as he did. He only wished there was someone out there to care for him. The five of them looked out for each other. They formed a bond that Harry imagined was similar to that of a family.

But just like with everything else in Harry’s life, that was taken from him. While Harry had found a home with the other kids he was living with, those particular foster parents weren’t the best he had stayed with. Four months into living with them, the man, Mr. Smith was arrested for starting a bar fight that landed someone in the hospital and while in custody, it was discovered that he and his wife were selling opioids on the black market and knowing her fate, Mrs. Smith promptly fled the country. Harry tried to keep up with the others, but he didn’t often have access to a phone. It was then, that Harry decided he would no longer get attached to anyone. It simply wasn’t worth it seeing as these kinds of things never last. Not for Harry.

Now, however, Harry sat at a desk, facing his history teacher, Ms. McKinnon. He didn’t really know why he was here. He was actually doing quite well in her class and he didn’t think he had been caught smoking cigarettes behind the gym recently so he just stared at his hands clasped on the desk, resisted the urge to ruffle his hair, a nervous habit he picked up, probably because of Sara. He tried to control his breathing and stop his leg from bouncing while he waited to hear what she had to say.

“Harry, you are quite a remarkable kid.” His head snapped up. In his entire life, he had never heard the word ‘remarkable’ used in the same sentence as his name except when he was being told how remarkably stupid he was. He quickly schooled his face. “I haven’t read your file, but I was given a general rundown. I’m not sure how many people you’ve met that have believed in you, but I do. I also believe that, given the proper environment, you could do great things. I get the sense that you try and go unnoticed. I have no doubt that it has saved you in the past. But one day, you’re going to have people that will genuinely want to help you. I just hope that when that day comes, you’re ready to accept it.”

Harry gave her a calculating look before speaking. “Is that all ma’am?” She sighed and nodded. He threw his backpack over one shoulder and left her classroom, off to succumb to his panic attack in the nearest bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any gramatical errors. Once again, I will state that I'm doing my very best. Please leave comments and let me know what y'all think. I will try to update regularly but I'm not sure how frequently that will be. I will probably have a better idea by the next post. I already have the first 7 chapters written. I'm not sure how long it will be in all but I guess we'll find out together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: cursing (Let’s just establish that there will be cursing in every chapter. I really don’t know if that needs a TW or not but I figured I would add it because I’ve seen it in other fics.)

Harry looked around the entrance hall and gave a look to his new foster parents. The fact that his new school even HAD an entrance hall was bizarre. But then again, Hogwarts was an elite boarding school. A lot of wealthy families sent their children here, though they also had a scholarship program. But Harry only got in because of his new foster parents. Apparently, they had attended Hogwarts themselves and one of them now taught here. Not that his grades weren’t good enough. But a kid in the system like him would never be sent to a boarding school. A reform school maybe. But nothing like this. 

Harry was used to middle-class living at best. This was too much. Harry figured he wouldn’t fit in here. But seeing it in person, Harry _knew_ that he wouldn’t. He was a foster kid who never owned two pairs of shoes at the same time. And now he was attending a school that had uniforms, a white button-up with black trousers, oxford shoes, a purple and white striped tie and a blazer with the school’s emblem on it. They also gave each student their own laptop. He had never even owned a phone until last week when he moved in with the Black-Lupins. They gave it to Harry so they could get in contact with him. Why they would want that, Harry didn’t know but he accepted it anyway. 

He found the pair odd. They had nicknames for their nicknames, as if ‘Padfoot’ and ‘Moony’ weren’t strange enough as is, and were constantly taunting each other. They seemed to work well together, likely having been together for quite some time, but they were complete opposites as far as Harry could tell. Sirius was boisterous and full of energy. He had long black hair and wore a leather jacket and rode a motorbike and owned a record shop that apparently did quite well due to the resurgence in the popularity of vinyl. Meanwhile, Remus was more reserved. He had freckles and a head full of tawny curls. He spent his free time reading and wore knitted jumpers. But Harry had the feeling there was more to the man than meets the eye. Sirius gave him what was supposed to be a reassuring smile as they continued walking towards the headmaster’s office. Remus knocked on the door and a voice told them to enter. 

The office was big. There was a large fireplace against one wall with several cozy looking armchairs in front of it. The adjacent wall was filled with a floor to ceiling bookshelf, overflowing with books as well as other knick-knacks, complete with a rolling ladder. In the center of the room sat an imposing desk with two chairs in front of it. The desk itself was a step higher than the seats in front of it, likely to make whoever sat behind the desk seem more intimidating. Although, Harry doubts anything could stand out more than the impressive beard of the headmaster himself. He appeared to be at least seventy, if not older but still had a twinkle in his eye. The nameplate on his desk read _Headmaster_ _Albus Dumbledore_ and Harry shook away the thought that if this man turned out to be a wizard, he wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. 

“Mr. Black-Lupin, I see you have brought your dear husband with you to deliver our newest student.” The old man said with a smile. 

Sirius barked a laugh. “Please Dumbles, we all know how much you miss me roaming these halls.” 

“More like destroying these halls.” Remus said with a slight smile curling at his lips. “There’s a reason that I am the one that was offered a position to teach here.” 

“I know, my dashing good looks and charming personality would just distract the students. Especially considering they already have an English teacher with an ass that won’t quit.” Sirius responded with an eyebrow wiggle towards his husband who simply sighed and shook his head. 

“You know, I would apologize for him, but we both know it would be a moot point.” The English teacher told his boss who just chuckled and waved it off. 

There was another knock on the door and in walked a girl with a head of bushy hair and perfect posture and a tall, lanky looking redhead with a face full of freckles. The girl looked around and smiled when her eyes landed on Harry. 

“Hello! I’m Hermione Granger.” She said with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. She nodded towards her companion. “This is Ronald Weasley.” 

“Ah. Yes. Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley will be helping you get settled into your dorm and then show you around the school a bit before taking you to dinner in the Great Hall at seven.” Dumbledore explained. 

"See you around kiddo." Remus said as Harry followed the two students into the hall, with his backpack slung over one shoulder and his duffle bag in his other hand. As soon as the door shuts behind them, the red head turns to him and smiles wide before jumping into what Harry assumed was his attempt at a welcome speech. 

“You know, you came on a great day. Most of the students are out watching the footy match so you won’t have to deal with all of that until dinner. I’m sure you think our school is full of posh tossers but most of the students are pretty alright. There are a lot of scholarship kids, and even most of the rich kids are pretty decent company. I mean, there _are_ some posh tossers like Malfoy and some of his group. But they mostly judge from afar and don’t bother anyone. I don’t think I’ve shared more than a few words with them since we started school together when we were eleven, but that’s fine by me. Anyway, back to the grand tour.” The boy spoke fast and waved his hands around, barely pausing to take a breath. 

“All of the teachers' offices and living spaces are on the first floor, along with the library and Great Hall where everyone has their meals. The school teaches years 7 through 13. But the younger years are mostly separate from year 10 and up. Their dorms are on the opposite side of the fourth floor from ours. And their classes are mostly on the second floor, while ours are on the third. We really only see them during mealtimes or sporting events, even though they can’t join any of the teams until year 10. Also, there’s a few watch towers around the school, back from when it was a castle or something like that. You can’t access most of them, trust me, the twins have tried. But one of them is still in use. It’s meant for the astronomy classes to star gaze during the night classes they have every so often. Which are awful by the way. But some of the students sneak up there to smoke from time to time.” He takes a big breath and opens his mouth to continue when the girl cuts him off. 

“Ronald! Let the poor kid breathe. Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?” She shoots Harry a sympathetic look who just ruffles his hair and looks away. 

“Nope!” Ron says proudly. “Mum was too busy making sure the twins didn’t blow up the house and double checking to see that she didn’t leave one of us behind when we went out.” He turns to Harry and continues his rambling. “I have six siblings, I know it’s a lot but I really do love having a big family. It makes it way easier to get away with things…” 

Harry tunes him out, nodding and humming occasionally to make it seem like he was listening, not really caring how convincing he was. They stopped at the library, where Harry was given a school laptop to use as he pleased but told to be sure and wipe the memory before returning it at the end of the year. The look the librarian, a woman named Pince, gave him made Harry wonder what happened that she had to clarify that. 

As they left the library, a group of girls stared at him and started whispering to each other which Harry found unnerving seeing as he usually went completely unnoticed at his previous schools.

He looked around the halls as they climbed the stairs. The school really was quite old and it showed in the borderline medieval architecture, but it was very well maintained and had obviously been modernized to add plumbing and electricity. They stopped at a pair of double doors. When pushed open, Harry stepped into what could only be described as a large living room. There was a fireplace with a bunch of couches and armchairs in front of it. On the wall across from the fireplace, was another cluster of comfortable looking seating, including a few well used bean bag chairs where two boys were sitting, laughing at something on their phones. There were several small tables with chairs scattered around the room and against the back wall, there was a bookshelf which was filled with everything except books. There were three doors in the room all leading in different directions. 

“This is the common room for the upper levels.” Hermione explained. “That door leads to the girls’ dormitories, that one in the middle leads to private study rooms that are free to use if you need some quiet. And that door, there goes to the boys’ dormitories.” She said pointing as she spoke. 

“Come on mate, you’re actually gonna be in my room. I’ll show you and you can drop off your stuff.” Ron told him, clapping him on the shoulder. 

Harry followed him through the door on the left wall. They entered a hallway with a bunch of doors. Ron led him to the second door on the right side. The walls were a deep red color. There were five beds, all with red sheets that match the walls and a nightstand by each of them. There were also five dressers against one wall. Four of them were covered with personal belongings owned by his new roommates, including a frog tank on top of one. Ron started to talk about how each of the dorm rooms had a different color theme as Harry went and put his belongings on the empty bed closest to the bathroom. He decided that he would get settled, as much as he could in the temporary environment, later and let Ron direct him back out to meet his girlfriend so she could show him around the rest of the school. 

~~~~~

After the ‘grand tour’ as Ron insisted on calling it, he and Hermione brought Harry to the Great Hall for dinner. There were four long tables with food all down the center of each table. It wasn’t too crowded when they walked in. Quite a few people stopped mid conversation to stare at Harry and whisper to each other, but Ron ignored them and led him towards a table, stopping by the closest end of it. The four people sitting there all turned their attention to the trio. There were two red heads who were identical to each other except that one had a freckle on his jaw. Harry suspected they were the twin brothers Ron had mentioned earlier. Sitting with them was a boy with dreadlocks that went to his shoulders and a guy who was attractive in an unassuming way. He was definitely fit but Harry got the impression that he didn’t call much attention to himself. He had a nice tan, like he spent a lot of time outside, kind blue eyes and a slightly shy smile that showed off his dimples. He reached up and ran a hand through his honey-colored hair. Harry immediately felt the urge to avoid the boy at all costs. He was the kind of person that Harry could get attached to and that was not a risk he was willing to take. The smaller boy turned his attention to the conversation Ron was having with his brothers, trying to ignore the blue eyes watching him. 

“Oi! What’s up baby brother?” “You missed the game-” “Which we won-” “Of course.” “How could we not?” “They have us on the team.” The twins finished each other’s sentences in a way that was amusing but definitely had the potential to become annoying, depending on your fondness of the pair. 

“You know that ‘Mione and I were showing the new kid around.” Ron said, rolling his eyes and turning to Harry. “Meet Fred and George.” 

“Also referred to as-” “Gred and Forge,” “The Weasley Terrors,” “The Gods of Mischief,” “Thing 1 and-” 

“We get it.” Interrupted the cute boy. Harry looked back to the boy and his brilliant smile. “Hi. I’m Cedric and that’s Lee.” He nodded to the other boy who jerked his chin out in greeting. “And what do they call you?” 

“Harry.” He cleared his throat, ruffled his hair and looked back to Ron who was clapping him on the shoulder again. 

“Okay, let’s go I’m starving!” 

“How? You never stop eating.” Complained Hermione as Ron led them further down the table to a small group of people. A boy with dirty-blonde hair and a soft demeanor turned to greet them when someone shouted. 

“Is that Harry Fucking Potter?” Harry whipped his head around to see the smiling face of Theodore Nott walking towards him from the entrance to the Great Hall. A woman who had her hair in a tight bun and glasses on the tip of her nose scolded him for his language from the staff table but Theo didn’t seem to notice. 

“Theo?” Harry said, going to hug the boy. The boy had grown to be about a head taller than Harry, who had always been somewhat small for his age, probably a lasting effect of malnourishment. But other than that, he looked the same as he always had, with dark brown hair, brown eyes and a smile that made you feel like you were in on some inside joke 

“What in the world are you doing here?” 

“One of my new foster parents works here.” Harry explained with a shrug. He was very aware that people were staring with interest at their interaction. “What about you?” 

“A few months after all the shit went down at the Smith’s, my old man finally died and I moved in with the Malfoys.” He nodded to a boy with bright blonde hair and gray eyes that reminded him a little of Sirius’ raised an eyebrow and was in the process of sitting down a few tables over. “Remember I told you ‘bout them?” 

“Yeah, I do. That’s really lucky dude. I’m happy for you.” Harry said earnestly. 

“I can’t fucking believe this.” Theo said, still smiling wide. “We gotta catch up soon. Alright? Don’t go disappearing on me again.” 

“I won’t. Not yet anyway.” Harry knew he wouldn’t be here long and Theo picked up on that. His smile wavered for a moment as he patted him on the shoulder and went to sit next to the Malfoy kid, who immediately started whispering at him. 

Harry turned to see Ron’s whole group looking at him. 

“How the fuck do you know Theo Nott?” Ron asked, shocked. Harry remembered what the boy had said about Malfoy, who appeared to be quite close with Theo. He grew a bit defensive. 

“Why? Am I a _posh tosser_ now too?” 

“’Course not mate!” Ron smiled wide, seemingly not noticing Harry’s tone. The raven-haired boy looked at the ginger for a moment before sitting down at the table. Ron started introducing the others around him as Harry made himself a small plate of food, slightly overwhelmed by the quantity available to him. Apparently, Neville, Dean and Seamus were their other dormmates, with Neville being the owner of the frog. And girls were Ron’s little sister Ginny and her girlfriend Luna. Harry sat silently listening to the banter of those around him. But he wasn’t going to get attached. Just like always. There was no point, he wouldn’t be staying. So, that night, when everyone was at the party in the common room celebrating the football team’s victory, Harry stayed in his dorm and spent the night sitting on the windowsill that overlooked the ground, smoking a joint and listening to the noise from the crowd only a few steps away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so it’s clear, in this AU, James and Lily didn’t go to Hogwarts and do not know the rest of the characters. I love the Marauders but it just didn’t work in this fic. Maybe I'll write a marauders fic at some point but who knows.  
> Also, I’ve decided I’m going to update this story once a week as of right now (on Fridays). I just don’t want to be rushed while writing the rest of the story so I figured it would give me enough time.  
> But please continue to leave comments! I would love to know what y’all think and such. I’m really enjoying writing this. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first off: Happy birthday Harry!! I'm sorry for putting you through so much pain in this story but I promise I love you, you sweet little bean! <3  
> Secondly, the italicized writing is Harry’s inner monologue/conscious/thoughts or whatever you want to call it. It mostly comes into play later when he has panic attacks. But I just thought I should make that clear since this is the first time it really shows up. Also, all of his inner thoughts are in second-person so that should also help distinguish them.  
> Last, to be honest, while I do like this chapter, it's definately not my favorite and I'm sorry if it seems kind of rushed. I tried editing it so many times I thought my brain would explode if I read through it one more time. But I had a lot of things that I needed to set up, both character and plot wise. But I didn't want to wait too long before getting to the actual plot because I'm super excited about that. (It will start picking up in the next chapter!!) But I hope you guys like the chapter anyway.

Hogwarts in and of itself wasn’t terrible. The school was far nicer than any Harry had previously attended and the classes were difficult but, despite transferring in mid-October, Harry was able to mostly keep up with the lessons. Ron had given him a quick rundown of each of his teachers during the ‘grand tour’ so that he would have an idea of what to expect on his first day of classes.

According to Ron, his newest guardian, Mr. Lupin was the English teacher and the general consensus amongst the students was that he was also the best teacher. When Harry asked the man later why he didn't use his full last name at school, he told him that frankly, Mr. Black-Lupin was just a bit of a mouthful and it was easier this way. As for his other teachers, Mr. Binns was the super old and horribly boring history teacher, Mrs. McGonagall taught psychology and he was advised to make sure to stay on the woman’s good side because she was not to be messed with, Mr. Flitwick taught geography and he was so short that he often required the use of a step stool to write on the board, which Ron found particularly entertaining. Mrs. Sprout was the Biology teacher that acted like she was everyone’s grandmother, despite only being in her early 40s and Mr. Snape was the devil incarnate who taught math. Harry was fully expecting Ron’s descriptions of the teachers to be far-fetched and dramatized. But he was even more surprised to find them completely spot on. 

As soon as he walked into his first class of the day, he was met by the narrowed eyes and scowling face of Mr. Snape. As soon as the class started, he was singled out to solve a complicated equation on the board. He was then scolded for going about it the wrong way even though he ended up with the correct answer. He was also given several packets of work that he had to catch up on and the man almost seemed to take pleasure from the way Harry’s eyes widened at the large stack of papers.

His next class was Biology and he was shocked by the sheer number of plants displayed in the classroom. A plump woman sat at the desk and Harry did have to admit that he totally saw where Ron was coming from when he said she was grandmotherly. She gave him a warm smile and started explaining that there were greenhouses on the school grounds and if he wanted to, he could ask Neville to show him around them, as he often spends his free time there.

Harry did have to admit that his geography teacher was a bit short. He guessed that the man couldn’t be more than five feet tall. He also did actually use a step stool to write on the board, and watching him do so was every bit as entertaining as the ginger boy made it out to be. The man himself was quite friendly, as far as teachers go, and Harry could see himself actually somewhat enjoying the man’s classes, even if geography was typically an incredibly boring subject. 

After lunch, came psychology. As he entered the room, he saw that Mrs. McGonagall wore her hair in a tight bun, with small glasses resting on her nose. He also recognized her as the woman who scolded Theo in the Great Hall on his first night. He quickly learned that she had a ‘no-nonsense’ teaching approach. But when she pulled him aside after class, she was practically a different person. She kindly asked the boy how he was settling in and told him to come to her if he needed any assistance with catching up in his classes. It made Harry, who was not used to kindness in the slightest, incredibly uncomfortable and he quickly made his way out of the classroom, determined to avoid contact with the woman as much as he could.

If it was at all possible, Mr. Binns’ class was even more boring than Ron had prepared him for. Harry, who usually found history quite interesting, was struggling to keep his eyes open as the ancient man droned on about the War of the Roses. The class simultaneously felt like the longest one of the day and the shortest. Although, that might be partially because he started dozing off about halfway through, despite Hermione nudging him repeatedly.

Harry’s last class of the day was English with Remus. He was by far the most laid back teacher but he was also incredibly passionate about seemingly every facet of the subject he taught. All of Ron’s friends had told him that the man was known to ramble on at length about how important the effect William Shakespeare’s work has had on the English language. But today, the class had the ‘fortune’ of hearing him excitedly talk about the newest research paper he was assigning, which was decidedly less fun than he made it seem.

Outside of classes, things were less than ideal for Harry. While he quite enjoyed Remus’ class itself, he tried not to spend much time with the man outside of the classroom, despite his attempts at bonding with the teen. Harry was constantly declining invitations to have tea with the man, claiming that he was incredibly busy with one thing or another. He knew that his guardian didn’t fully buy the excuses he was making, but he never pressed the issue and that was enough for him. The English teacher and his husband were by far the best foster parents Harry has had so far. But he was not going to risk getting attached, he knew it would only end poorly for him. 

Then there was Cedric. It seemed like the more Harry tried to avoid him, the more the older teen was around. They were constantly running into each other. In the common room, down corridors, during meals, everywhere he turned, Cedric was there. To make matters worse, he actively tried to initiate conversations with him, most of which were incredibly uncomfortable. Cedric would start off flirty, then get all nervous and awkward when Harryy appeared uninterested. And Harry could hardly focus on what the older teen was saying because he was trying to push down his feelings towards the football player. Every time they spoke, Harry noticed something different about him. Like how his laugh was contagious, or how everyone at school seemed to love him, or how his eyes sparkled just enough to make it nearly impossible to look away. He was so genuinely kind and he was certainly charming, but the more Harry was drawn in, the more he knew he had to push back. He started referring to him as ‘pretty boy’ in his head. Whether that was a compliment or a snarky nickname, Harry wasn’t quite sure, but either way, it seemed to fit him quite well.

The one person Harry really wanted to talk to was Theo. But unlike with Diggory, he was never able to find a moment to speak with him. They always smiled at each other when they passed in the halls and Harry noticed Theo watching him several times during meals or in the common room, but they hadn’t had a conversation since Harry’s first night at dinner. He had a feeling it had something to do with the Malfoy kid who watched him just as often as Theo but with a much colder gaze. Harry had to admit that he was a little disappointed by the lack of conversation, but he couldn’t find it in him to actually be upset with Theo over it. After all, it had been roughly two years since they had last seen each other, and the other boy seemed to be quite comfortable in his life here. 

As for the other students at Hogwarts, Harry was finding that the more he learned about them, the more questions he had. He quickly realized that each member of Ron’s friend group was drastically different, and he had to wonder how they all had come together. Luna was usually fairly quiet but when she did speak, it was clear that she was eccentric and was very easily distracted. She frequently told the group ‘fun facts’ that were more strange than fun and told everyone their horoscopes every morning at breakfast. Ginny was very knowledgeable about social issues and was quick to call people out and put them in their place. In all honesty, Harry was a little scared of the youngest Weasley. He definitely did not want to get on her bad side. Hermione was proudly the mom of the group and always seemed to have some kind of book within reach. She was the top of the class but she wasn’t arrogant about it and never came across as a ‘know-it-all’ which was greatly appreciated all around. Neville was normally pretty shy but he opened up a lot more around his friends. He had a big heart, loved the outdoors, gardening and his frog who’s name was Trevor. Everyone else in the group also seemed to share his love for Trevor and he was often the topic of discussion amongst the group. Seamus was a pyromaniac and Harry quickly learned to keep his lighters hidden after an incident where he woke up to find the boy dangerously close to setting his own bed on fire. He claimed it was ‘for science’ but nobody believed him for even a second. Dean, who was dating Seamus, was often the mediator of the group. He loved video games and was always ready to play a pickup game of football or down to have lengthy conversations with Hermione about subjects that made everyone else feel increasingly stupid. And Ron was always as talkative as he was when Harry first met him and was shockingly good at chess. He truly appeared to be in a constant state of joy and knew all the ways to make his friends laugh.

And although the group of friends were always offering branches of friendship to him, Harry mostly kept to himself in the private study rooms or his dorm. He also found that he quite enjoyed sitting by the lake on the grounds of the school. It was just out of view from the courtyard of the school so he could smoke cigarettes without the risk of being seen unless someone were to travel down by the water themselves. But no matter how much he distanced himself from the rest of the student body, people continued looking at him and whispering constantly. At the end of his third day of classes, there were so many absurd rumors about why Harry had transferred there, that he finally broke down and asked Ron for advice. 

“What should I do? I mean, the other day, someone cornered me and asked if I was really the headmaster’s secret love child. And another asked me if it was true that Theo and I met in a traveling circus. Where are these rumors even coming from? They aren’t even remotely realistic!” Harry sighed as he sat on his bed and ruffled his hair.

Ron shrugged, chuckling. “Nothing exciting ever really happens around here. Not to mention that everyone at this school is a total gossip. They are all probably trying to come up with the most absurd rumor to get attention. But honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it too much mate. I reckon that the twins will pull some stupid prank in the next few days and you’ll be old news.”

Harry made a mental note to bring this up to the twins the next time he saw them. But it turned out that he didn’t have to wait very long. That night, as he and Ron walked into the Great Hall for dinner, the pair of gingers stopped the conversation they were having with Cedric and Lee and turned to the pair.

“So.” “Harry.” “How’s it been-” “Being the talk of the school?”

“Terrible.” Harry was trying exceedingly hard to avoid eye contact with Cedric, who was currently smirking at him, when he realized that this was his chance to talk to the set of troublemakers. “Actually, I was told you guys could help me out in that department.”

The twins shared a look, smirking at each other in a vaguely frightening way. “Oh, now you’ve done it mate.” Lee said, shaking his head and returning his attention to his food.

The very next day, Harry would realize how right Lee was. When he made his way down to breakfast, he found that most of the student body and quite a lot of the staff were standing around the courtyard at the entrance to the school. He squeezed his way to the front of the crowd, fairly easily considering he was still alarmingly skinny, even though he was eating regularly now. When he got to the front of the crowd, he burst out laughing. On the grounds of the school were all the desks from every upper level classroom. The twins appeared on either side of him and George winked at him while Fred put an arm on his shoulder. He saw Snape and the groundskeeper Filch complaining to Dumbledore while Remus stood off to the side, trying to hold back laughter with several other teachers, including Mrs. McGonagall, who’s face held a small smirk.

~~~~~

By the Friday of his second week, Harry had so much work to do, he finally took Hermione up on that offer to study together. He was also pleased to note that Remus didn’t bring up going to visit Sirius this weekend. THe was hoping that his temporary guardians were catching onto the fact that he wasn’t looking to bond with them. But as he was turning to leave after his English class that day, Remus asked him to hang back for a moment. 

He had a warm smile on his face as he spoke but the boy was worried none-the-less. “I won’t go all ‘helicopter mom’ on you or anything. But please be careful this weekend. I know how some of the more reckless kids here party. I’m married to someone who used to be one of those kids, after all.” He smiled fondly at the thought of his husband as he continued. “I want you to have fun but just be responsible at the same time. I would hate for something to happen to you. Speaking as both your guardian and as your teacher.” Harry’s confusion must have been evident on his face because Remus added “Halloween? It’s tomorrow. And typically, the students go all out for it.”

“Oh yeah. I actually forgot about that. Honestly, I’ll probably just spend the night studying.” He said genuinely. 

In his previous schools, he mostly kept to himself so he was never really invited out, not that he would have gone if he were actually asked. _But things are probably different when you live with all of your classmates. You did manage to avoid the common room parties so far, but really, there had only been that one on your first night. It made sense for you not to go. Will you be expected at this one?_ Harry started to wonder if he should be worried. But as if he knew what was happening in his head, Remus spoke up, putting a stop to the thoughts racing through Harry's mind.

“How are you doing though? I know that you didn’t have a lot of friends at your last school.” _Or any of my old schools._ Harry thought bitterly. But in a way, he almost felt bad for the man. He could tell that Remus was trying incredibly hard to get Harry to open up. But if he did that, it was too easy to become attached and he simply couldn’t risk that.

“I’m fine Remus, really. Don’t worry about it.” At that, Harry turned and walked out of his teacher’s classroom quickly, without waiting for a response. As he made his way up to the dorms, Ms. McKinnon’s words echoed in his head. _“But one day, you’re going to have people that will genuinely want to help you. I just hope that when that day comes, you’re ready to accept it.”_ He shook his head. He would NOT get attached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I love my dad Remus Lupin, who is most definitely not dead. :)  
> And I’m lowkey basing him off of both John Keating from Dead Poets Society and Mr. Anderson from Perks of Being a Wallflower because they all give off similar vibes in my opinion, they are two of my favorite movies, and also, Paul Rudd would have been a great Remus Lupin if only he were British.
> 
> Also, I have a few things to say:  
> 1\. I am American and I tried my best to google about the UK education system but it is all very confusing because I'm lowkey D U M B so it’s probably just going to be a mix of US and UK schooling stuff. I will once again reiterate that I am trying my best.
> 
> 2\. If you guys have any comments or suggestions on ways to make the story flow better, I would greatly appreciate them. I know what’s going to happen plot wise, and I know how the character development is going to go. But I’ve found that I’m not the best when it comes to writing dialogue and so the flow of the story is a little rough but I hope you guys like it none-the-less. 
> 
> 3\. Thank you all so much for reading my work. Please continue to leave comments, I really want to know what you guys think of the story! I value feedback so much!
> 
> EDIT: I saw what y'all were saying so I went back and fixed it up a bit. I hope it's better. I appreciate all the feedback :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attacks, underage sex for like two seconds   
> I really like this chapter and I think it's way better than the last one. I hope y'all enjoy it too. :) Let me know what y'all think.

Late in the afternoon on Halloween, Ron swung open the door of the study room Harry and Hermione were using. 

“Listen up! There’s a party tonight in the common room and you two are coming.” He said, crossing his arms as if he were a mother telling her children to clean their rooms.

Hermione sighed and looked up at her boyfriend with an exasperated expression. “And why is that?

Ron let out a huge sigh and slumped his shoulders before whining. “Because, you guys have not stopped studying for the past two weeks. Both of you have had your noses stuck in books constantly. We’re young. It’s a Saturday night. Let loose. Live a little.” He flung out his arms dramatically as if that would have made his point more convincing.

“Harry and I actually want to do well in our classes thank you very much. And it wouldn’t hurt you to open up a book from time to time Ronald.” Hermione said, returning her attention to the paper she was typing up.

“Come on! Just one drink?” Ron begged, waving his arms in front of his girlfriend’s face to block her view of the screen.

“No.” She said firmly. Ron sighed and turned his attention to Harry and laid his torso across his schoolwork, looking up at him. “Pleeeaaasssee. It will be so fun!”

Harry began to say no but stopped himself.  _ It probably wouldn’t be too unbearable considering most of the people there will most likely be drunk. Plus, it might get people off your back for a while. It will definitely make Remus back off a bit. _ “Fine. If you get off of my stuff, I’ll come for a bit. But I’m not wearing a costume.” He finally responded, pushing his roommate off the table.

Ron eagerly accepted his terms, turning once again to his girlfriend, this time with puppy-dog eyes.

“Fine. I’ll come down for one drink.” Hermione said, clearly knowing when she’s lost a fight. She then turned back to her work. Ron kissed her on the cheek with a loud ‘MWAH’ and turned, leaving the room with a walk that suggested he was quite pleased with himself. 

~~~~~

After a few more hours of studying, Harry brought his bookbag up to his dorm, grabbed some clothes and went straight for the bathroom. After taking an extra-long shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and looked at himself in the mirror. No matter what he did, his hair was never tame, in any sense of the word, and he was still pretty skinny so most of his clothes hung off of him awkwardly.  _ But what does it matter what people at this stupid boarding school think of you? You’re not staying.  _ He threw on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. When he got out, his roommates were busy getting ready. Ron had apparently gone to the common room already. Neville was putting the finishing touches of his green face paint for his frog costume and Seamus and Dean seemed overly committed to each one half of the slinky dog from Toy Story. Harry imagines they’ll be completely tangled up together by the end of the night. He left them to get ready and headed out to the party.

He walked into the common room where he was immediately met by an excited Ron Weasley, dressed as a scarecrow, shoving a drink into his hand. Ron then grabbed his other hand and dragged him to the couch in front of the fireplace. He was clearly a few drinks in. When Harry asked what it was they were drinking, Ron shrugged and took another sip from his cup. The drink burned on the way down but left a sweet aftertaste which Harry found vaguely unsettling. They sat together chatting, well, Ron was chatting and Harry was sitting next to him nodding along, when Hermione showed up. She had also appeared to have opted out of wearing a costume, instead wearing a pair of tight jeans and a red knitted sweater with an ‘R’ on it. 

“‘Mione! Let’s get you a drink!” Ron jumped up off the couch and grabbed her hand, dragging her away and leaving Harry to sit alone and stare at the fire which he, of course, didn’t mind in the least. His moment of solitude was soon interrupted by someone tousling his hair before coming around and sitting on the floor in front of him. Harry looked down to see Theo, wearing a pirate hat and a white flowy shirt, smiling at him with his arms wrapped around his knees. He was followed by his blonde friend, also not wearing a costume, who sat in an armchair next to Harry, as well as a boy with black hair that was shaved on the sides and longer on top. He was wearing a red shirt and devil horns, and perched himself on the arm of the chair his friend sat in, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. They both watched him and Harry vaguely wondered if Theo had mentioned him to his friends.

“Look at you, out here socializing.” Theo said cheerily. Harry kicked out his leg in response to him and took a sip of his drink. “Haz, I don’t think you’ve met my friends. This is Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini. Boys, this is Harry Potter.”

Draco nodded once and turned towards the fire. Blaise rolled his eyes. “Excuse Draco, he’s being a prat. It’s nice to meet you Harry.” He noted that the boy had a slight Italian accent.

Sitting here with him, Harry was instantly reminded of how natural it felt to be around Theo. He wondered briefly if they would stay in contact this time around when he left.  _ But don’t get your hopes up. _

Theo’s voice broke Harry out of his personal musings. “So, what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

“Not much. Just the same old shit. Been through five homes...I think, since I last saw you. Six if you’re counting the Black-Lupins.”

“Shit dude, I hope this one sticks. It’d be nice to have you around a while. Plus they’re good people. You could definitely do worse.”

Harry hummed noncommittally and took a drink. He turned his head and noticed Ron and Hermione snogging in the corner of the room.

“Why have you been through so many homes?” Harry turned his attention to Draco who paused before adding “Not to be rude.” He heard Blaise mutter ‘yeah right’ under his breath.

“Draco…” Theo growled. The blonde ignored him. Harry wasn’t sure what game this kid was playing at, but he felt it would be in his best interest to just go along with it.

“Uh, shit luck I guess.” Draco eyed him with an unreadable expression.

“And how’d you end up living with Lupin?”

“Draco stop.” Theo said, a little louder, through clenched teeth.

Harry shrugged and ruffled his hair. “I guess my last foster parents got sick of me and it was the next available place.”

“Do you-”

“DRACO” Theo cut him off, glaring towards his friend. Draco met his gaze with narrowed eyes, then glanced at Harry before returning his eyes to the fire.

“Ignore him, he’s just being a dick.” Theo muttered to the black-haired boy.

Harry finished up his drink and flinched a little when someone jumped over the back of the couch to sit next to him. One of the Weasley twins, the one without the freckle, put his arm around Harry’s shoulders and winked.

“Fred, would you knock it off.” Said a voice from behind them. He glanced up to see Cedric leaning his hip against the back of the couch with his arms crossed. George and Lee walked over to join Fred on the couch. The four of them all wore black skinny jeans and black turtlenecks underneath playing card costumes, each a different suit of ace. Fred was Clubs, George was spades, Lee was diamonds, and Cedric was Hearts.

Cedric came to sit on the floor by the Twins’ feet. He looks between Theo and Harry for a second before returning his attention to Fred and George. Harry was trying to think of an excuse he could use to leave the party early when Cedric reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint. 

“Harry, do you smoke?” Cedric asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

Theo snorted a laugh and Harry smirked at his friend before nodding his head at the older teen. Cedric eyed the two of them for a moment before turning his attention to lighting the joint. But, as soon as he exhaled the smoke, his smile and relaxed demeanor returned.

Twenty minutes later, everyone was pleasantly high except for Draco, who didn’t smoke. Harry found himself drowning out the conversation around him and he got lost watching the flames dance in the fireplace. He had no idea how much time had passed when someone touched his knee. He looked over to see that it was Cedric. He realized that Theo and his friends had left at some point and the twins and Lee were in a heated debate about the best Beatles album. Cedric motioned with his head to follow him as he stood up. Harry was just high enough to ignore the voice in his head screaming at him to run away from the charming boy. As he followed him to the door leading into the halls of the school, he noticed Fred’s eyes following him.

~~~~~

Cedric silently led him out of the school and onto the school’s football field. They climbed to the top of the stands and Harry pulled out a pack of cigarettes, wordlessly offering one to Cedric. Who surprised him by accepting it. They sat like that for a while. Just blowing smoke into the cool autumn night, shoulders almost touching. The cigarettes had long burnt out before Cedric spoke in almost a whisper.

“There’s something special about you Harry Potter.”

Harry was silent for a moment. He could feel his heartbeat pick up. His high seemed to fade steadily in the chilly night air. His thoughts quickly filled in the empty space in his brain.  _ No getting attached. _ “No I’m not. I’m just new. The unknown always seems interesting.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not special.”

“Trust me, I’m not special. Broken maybe. Definitely self-destructive.”  _ And weak and stupid and pathetic and... _ Harry could feel Cedric’s eyes watching him but Harry just ruffled his hair and kept his gaze on the grass field below as he felt his heartbeat rise to his throat.

Cedric spoke in a sad voice. “That’s not true.

“How would you know? You know nothing about me. “  _ That’s right, push him away. It’s what you’re good at. You can’t have people close to you. Your life is like a twister. Picking people up, spinning them around before spitting them out all broken. You’re just going to break him… _

“You could change that, you know.”

It took all of Harry’s willpower to not look at the boy who kept his piercing blue eyes on the side of his face. “I suppose I could.” He paused for a beat before adding “But I won’t.” At that, Harry stood and walked down the steps. He watched his feet as they climbed down the steps. He heard Cedric call his name but his brain couldn’t register it over the voice in his head.  _ This is for the best. You’re a twister. Nothing good lasts for you. It’s only a matter of time before you leave again. It’s only going to end in disaster… _

~~~~~

When Harry got back to the dorms, the party had died down for the most part. The Twins and Lee were still sitting on the couch talking. Harry sucked in a breath and tried to think of a way to turn his brain off. Right at that moment, Fred looked over at him.  _ Perfect. What’s one more stupid decision? Prove to Cedric how messy you really are. _ Harry raised one eyebrow and motioned his head towards the dorms. Fred stood and walked over, holding the door open for him. 

Fred led him to a dorm where everything was a soft yellow instead of the blood red of his own. The older boy turned and faced him, locking eyes with him. “What happened with Cedric?”

“It doesn’t matter. And I’m pretty sure we’re not here to talk about Cedric. So why don’t you put that mouth of yours to better use?”

Fred smirked and leaned forward, his nose almost touching the smaller boy’s. He reached around him and locked the door. Harry grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a fierce kiss. 

~~~~~

The next morning, as he walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, he noticed that Cedric was no longer glancing in his direction. He was however, getting on just fine with Fred which was a good sign. As much as Harry desired to keep people at an arm’s length, he didn’t want to leave a mess in his wake. He was glad his self-destructive decision didn’t come between the old friends.

That afternoon, Harry had been studying with Hermione in a private study room again, but this time, Ron had joined them. After an hour or so, the boy raised his freckled face and looked at Harry.

“Is it true that you Shagged my brother last night?”

“Yeah, why? Is that a problem?”  _ Not that it matters either way because Ron isn’t a friend, he’s just someone to sit with during meals. _

Ron shrugged. “Nah, doesn’t bother me at all. I just don’t want you to expect anything more than a one night stand with him.”

“I don’t.” Harry said in response.

“Good. Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy and he’s genuinely a good person, but he tends to think with one of his heads more than the other if you know what I mean. I mean, last year, he and Dean slept together. It was the talk of the school. Everyone knew that Seamus was into Dean. It all worked out in the end though. Dean and Seamus had a massive row and by the time Nev and I got back to the dorms that night, they were pressed up against the wall snogging.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry. I’m not the dating type anyway.” Harry said, effectively ending the conversation. Ron opened his mouth to say something else but decided against it and returned his attention to his homework, leaving the trio to sit in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make something very clear:  
> I DO NOT encourage smoking cigarettes. I only included them in the story for the aesthetic.  
> I DO however, encourage smoking weed. :) (Just follow your local laws and what not)
> 
> Also, I’m super awkward and cannot flirt for shit so writing dialogue for a confident character has proven to be difficult. I apologize for any cringe that might occur while reading this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attacks  
> 

November flew by fairly quickly. Cedric continued to avoid Harry, which he told himself he didn’t mind. It made his goal of not getting attached that much easier to achieve. He was not so lucky when it came to Remus, however. The man continued trying to get Harry to open up. But he was not about to pretend that this stranger actually cared about him. He knew better than that. _He’s just playing the part until he can switch me out for a better foster kid. One he’d actually want to adopt._

Harry discovered that hanging around Ron and his friends more did make people leave him alone for the most part. The group seemed to accept that he wasn’t going to talk very much but they were always kind to him regardless. It was quite different from the boy’s usual tactic, which was to avoid human interaction entirely, but it seemed to work out. He made sure to constantly remind himself that they were not his friends. They just let him hang around them before he inevitably leaves for the next place.

Theo continued to smile at Harry in the halls and watch him from time to time during meals or while sitting in the common room. And one night, in mid-November, Harry was smoking on the astronomy tower when Theo came up and wordlessly sat next to him. They stayed there for the better part of an hour, just sitting shoulder to shoulder, passing a joint back and forth and looking at the stars. They didn’t need words and it felt so similar to those nights spent laying in bed together. It was a comfort Harry didn’t realize he missed. He found himself hoping once again that he would be able to stay in contact with Theo when he left, but he knew that was probably unrealistic.

In the beginning of December, Harry found himself sitting around the common room with Ron’s friends, minus Dean and Seamus. He was only half listening to their conversation while he let his eyes wander around the room where he saw the twins sitting at one of the tables with Cedric and Lee. Fred was chewing on the end of his pen, looking fairly bored while the other three were very focused on some sort of project they were working on together. He looked up and met Harry’s green eyes. He mimed smoking with his pen and raised his eyebrow. Harry nodded.

They both excused themselves from their respective friend groups and went to their dorms to get better suited to face the setting sun and snowy school grounds. As Harry layered his jumpers he wished, not for the first time, that he had actual winter clothes. He wrapped a scarf around his neck and met Fred just outside the doors to the common room. Together, they made their way out to the football field. But instead of climbing the stands like he had with Cedric on Halloween, Fred led him to a spot beneath the stands that was hidden from the view of the school. Fred pulled out a joint and lit it up. They sat on a wooden crate that was probably put there for moments like these by students past, and quietly relished the warmth of the smoke entering their lungs in the cold winter air. After they both took a few hits, Fred turned his body to face Harry.

“So, what’s the deal?” Fred demanded.

“I’m sorry?”

“With Cedric. Why are you avoiding him like the fucking plague?”

“Wow. Okay. We’re jumping right into this aren’t we?”

Fred took a hit and passed the joint before answering. “He’s my best friend and I tend to care when people hurt him.”

“Well if I remember correctly, you’re the one who slept with the person your best friend clearly has a crush on. Secondly, who says I even like him back? I’ve made it quite clear that I’m not interested. Besides, he hasn’t looked at me since Halloween, so I really don’t see how this is on me.” Harry said, ruffling his hair and taking as much smoking into his lungs as possible before passing the joint back.

“If you must know, Cedric and I had a row that night. But we’ve been mates for years and he is well aware of my tendency to make stupid decisions. I apologized and now we’re all good...but seriously, cut the shit. I pride myself on being able to read people fairly well. And from where I’m sitting, it’s pretty damn obvious that you like him.”

“Let’s say for argument's sake that I did.” Harry narrowed his emerald eyes at the ginger. “Who’s to say that it would even work? I mean, strictly speaking, my record for sticking around isn’t great. Six months at most. And pushing that aside, I wouldn’t be good for him. Let’s face it, fucked up people like me don’t get the pretty boy in the end.” Harry dropped the butt of the joint into the snow and pulled his hoop over the mop of hair on his head before standing up and trudging his way back up to the school.

~~~~~

The last few weeks of term were fairly uneventful, barring a prank by the twins & co. which caused Snape to walk around with red and green glitter stuck in his hair for two days, and soon it was the evening before the winter holidays. Classes were over and Harry was standing in the snow, wrapped up in a scarf and several jumpers, shivering slightly. He was smoking a cigarette and staring out over the frozen lake on the school grounds. He heard someone walk up and stand next to him, just outside of his peripheral vision.

“Hey Harry.” Harry looked up only to be met with the blue eyes of Cedric Diggory.

“Cedric. What are you doing here?” Harry ruffled his hair and focused on keeping all emotion out of his voice while internally debating whether or not to run the other way before he did something stupid like kiss ‘pretty boy’.

“I’m sorry. About Halloween. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.” Harry ripped his eyes away from the older teen and looked out over the lake again. “And I’m also sorry it took me so long to apologize. I’ve been acting like a child. Do you think we could try to move past this and be friends?”

“I’m not the kind of person who has friends.”

“Then can we at least try to be civil towards each other?”

Harry dropped the butt of his cigarette into the snow and watched the cherry fizzle out. He looked up and gave a weak attempt at a smile. “I think I can manage that.”

Cedric’s lips curled at the corners. “Walk back up to the school with me?”

Harry knew it was a bad idea, but he nodded. They walked in silence for a while before discussing plans for the winter holiday. The whole time, he was berating himself over how stupid he was being. _A pretty boy smiles at you and suddenly every rule you have ever set for yourself goes out the window._ They started walking up the stairs towards the dorms and the younger boy felt his self-control start to waver. _Under no circumstances can you get attached._

“I have to go see Remus.” He blurted out. Then he turned and quickly walked down the stairs before even waiting for a response from Cedric. His mind was racing as he made his way to his foster father’s office. He was so lost in thought as he reached the door that he almost ran into the man as he was walking out of the room. Remus grabbed both of his shoulders to keep him from falling, a look of concern on his face.

“Harry, are you okay?”

Harry blinked before scrunching up his eyes in an attempt to find his words. “Oh yeah. I’m great. Um...what time are we leaving tomorrow?”

Remus searched his face for a moment before answering. “We can leave whenever you’d like.”

“Can we leave tonight instead?” Harry asked quickly.

“Yes.” Remus hesitantly said before adding “Are you sure you’re alright kid?”

“Yep.” The teen said, popping the ‘p’ sound before smiling up at Remus, hoping it was convincing enough.

“Okay then,” The man said, looking away from Harry’s face. “I just have to stop by the Headmaster’s office for a moment. You grab your stuff and meet me in the entrance hall. Yeah?”

“Sure thing.” He turned on his heels and headed straight to the dormitories. Once he had turned the corner, out of Remus’ sight, he took off into a run only slowing down when he saw the double doors leading to the common room. He paused to catch his breath before pushing the door open. As soon as he passed the threshold, he could feel a panic attack building, and a bad one at that.

He watched his feet take step after step. His hands formed fists so tight he could feel his nails digging into his palms. _Everyone is watching you. They know. No, that’s crazy. But what if? No what ifs._ **Deep breath.** _Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Like that song in that stupid Christmas movie Dudley used to love. NO! Don’t think about them. Uncle Vernon. It’s almost Christmas. Do you remember that Christmas when you were four? STOP!_ **Breathe.** Harry reached the door leading to the boys’ dormitories. He pushed the door open and took careful steps towards his room. _Your roommates are probably there. They’ll laugh at you. They’ll tell everyone. They’ll taunt you just like…_

“Harry?” He looked up to see Theo watching him. _He knows. Theo always knows._ Harry’s breaths started getting shallow, his vision blurry and his knees weak. The taller boy rushed from the doorway to his room and grabbed him right before he collapsed to the floor. He picked the skinny teen up with ease. He seemed so little and Theo’s heart tightened. He whispered reminders to breathe into Harry’s ears as he carried him, bridal style into his dorm. Harry could hear things happening around him but it didn’t really make any sense. 

“Draco, go get Lupin. Tell him it’s urgent.” _Remus will definitely want to get rid of you now. Just wait til he sees…_ “Blaise, block the door. Don’t let anyone into this room except for Mr. Lupin.” _Theo sounds so far away. He’s probably going to leave you too. Nothing good ever stays…_

Time didn’t seem to exist as Theo sat with his friend’s head in his lap. Harry could vaguely feel him brush the hair out of his face and hear him whisper reminders to breathe.

“Theodore? What’s going on?” _Remus is here. He’ll stay until I’m coherent before calling Amelia. He’s a good person like that…_

After some time, the fog in his brain slowly started to clear. There’s a wet towel on his head. He was lying on his side and someone was rubbing his back. His vision was less fuzzy. He noticed that he was in a green room. _Must be Theo’s._ He heard a soft voice telling him to breathe with them. He did. Someone helped him sit up and handed him a glass of water. Harry took slow sips. He felt a headache start to form between his eyes. Two white pills are placed into his hand. _Theo always knows._

“M’okay.” Harry said with a hoarse voice.

“Harry. How often?” He looked up into the concerned face of his friend and because they knew each other so well, the older boy didn’t need to elaborate for Harry to know he was asking about his panic attacks.

“I don’t know...It got worse after. And then better. And then…” He trailed off, trying to avoid those unpleasant memories.

“And now?” Prompted Theo, hand firmly holding the smaller teen’s shoulder. _When did he put his hand there?_ He closed his eyes and focused on the pressure from said hand.

“Halloween. The last one was on Halloween.”

Theo sighed. “Okay, that’s good. That was over a month ago. Are you okay to stand?” Harry nodded and slid out of the bed. He forgot that Remus was there until he saw the man. There were tears in his hazel eyes threatening to fall. His face looked pained. Harry sighed and rubbed a hand down his face, knocking off his glasses in the process. He mumbled an apology into his palm.

“Oh Harry, don’t apologize. I just wish I had known…” The man trailed off.

Harry sighed. _This isn’t a surprise. You knew this would happen._ “Can you just call Amelia from here? I don’t want you to be stuck in the car with me for two hours.”

Remus came around from the other side of the bed and placed his hand on Harry’s cheek. He flinched but Remus didn’t move his hand. Instead, he met Harry’s big green eyes. _Why are Remus’ eyes so full of sadness?_ “No, no, no. I’m not sending you back into the system just for having a panic attack.” He pulled him into a hug. “I am going to call Pads though. He needs to know what’s going on as well. Theodore is going to help you bring your things down okay? Then we’re going to head home.” Harry nodded against the man’s shoulder.

As Theo led him back to his room to pack, he realized how tired he was. He had no idea what exactly he was packing, but he supposed he would find out tomorrow. Theo asked for his phone. _Right, you have a phone now._ He found it in a drawer of his desk. The taller boy sent himself a text and told him that he would be checking up throughout the break. He said it in that ‘Theo way’ where it sounds both comforting and threatening at the same time. 

They walked down the stairs together to where Remus was waiting for them with his satchel bag on his shoulder. He took the duffle from Theo and quietly thanked him. Harry gave his friend a hug and heard him whisper a reminder that he’s only a text away. Then, the boy and his guardian walked to the car. The door shut and Harry fell asleep against the window before they even started moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Theo. If we were in school together, he probably would have been my designated Slytherin buddy. (All Hufflepuffs are required to have one ITS THE LAW)  
> Also, I’ve been really depressed lately and I’d really appreciate some comments on what you guys think of the story because I need some motivation to keep writing. I really don't want to give up on this story and I have other stories I want to write when I've finished this but I just feel super burnt out. So if you guys like this story, please let me know. I just want to make sure that other people actually enjoy what I'm writing.  
> (I'm also not trying to guilt anyone for praise or anything. I just want to make sure you guys actually like it.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: referenced child abuse, referenced suicide attempt

When Harry woke up, he was in a bed. He looked around to see the empty walls of the room he used at the Black-Lupin house the week he spent there before going away to school. They kept calling it his room and telling him that he could decorate it however he wanted to. But he had nothing to decorate it with.  _ Besides, it’s not like you’re staying here long enough to justify it. It’s just better this way. _ He sat up and rubbed his face before reaching for his glasses. He saw a notification on his phone telling him that Theo had texted.

**Feeling any better?**

Harry shook his head.  _ I’ll text him in a bit. _ As Harry pulled himself out of bed, memories from the night before flooded his mind. He knew he would have to face his guardians eventually.  _ But that’s a future Harry problem. Right now, you need to figure out what the hell you packed in your suitcase. _

He picked up his duffle bag from its place next to the door and tossed it onto his bed. He unzipped it and started to pull things out of it.  _ Wow. You were definitely out of it when you did this. You packed ten pairs of socks but forgot your toothbrush. Come on dude! _ Harry was half tempted to crawl back under the covers and sleep through the whole break but he was fairly certain his guardians would not be okay with that. So, after texting Theo back to confirm that he was, in fact, still alive and attempting to read a random book from the shelf in the bedroom, (It was a book of French poetry. Unfortunately, he couldn’t speak or read French.) Harry finally decided to face Sirius and Remus.

As he made his way down the stairs, he heard someone talking very loudly through the kitchen door.

“No Andi. We aren’t coming...I don’t care that it’s a family tradition...Well Lucius can shove it up his-”

“Pads.” Remus cut off Sirius, who was on the phone with someone, when he saw Harry push open the door.

“Andi I have to go. We can discuss this later.” Sirius hung up the phone before waiting for a response and looked at the boy standing in the doorway.

“I hope you didn’t cancel plans because of me.” He said quietly, ruffling his hair nervously. He went to the counter and started slowly making himself a cup of tea, making sure to keep his back to them as long as possible.

“Don’t worry about it. I was trying to get out of it anyway.” Sirius said casually before carefully adding “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine and no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay then...do you want to tell us why you thought we were going to send you to another home for having a panic attack?” Remus asked in a calm, soothing voice. Harry shook his head as he finally turned to face the men and make his way to the table.

“Harry,” Sirius started in a slightly shaky voice before clearing his throat and continuing. “We aren’t going to just give up on you. We knew this wasn’t going to be a walk in the park when we agreed to take you in.” Harry stared into his milky tea, afraid to meet either man’s eyes. He felt small and was reminded of the little boy from the cupboard.  _ That’s all you’ll ever be. _ He shook his head to quiet his mind. Nobody said anything for a few moments until finally, Remus spoke.

“So, I didn’t realize you and Theodore were such close friends.”

“We uh, lived in the same foster home when we were fourteen.” Harry answered. He took a sip from his mug, still not looking up.

“Ah. I see…” He seemed unsure if he should continue but decided to chance it. “I don’t know everything about what happened, but all the teachers were briefed when he left school...and once again when he returned.”

Harry nodded in understanding but didn’t respond. Instead, Sirius spoke.

“That’s the Nott kid, yeah?” Remus nodded in confirmation before his husband continued. “I remember his dad being a real piece of shit.”

“You knew him?” Harry asked quietly, still staring intently at his tea.

“Yeah...our families...they uh, they ran in similar circles so to speak.” That made Harry look up. Sirius’ piercing gray eyes were waiting to meet his and the meaning behind his words were not lost on any of them. If Sirius’ family was in any way associated with Theo’s dad, there was no way they were decent human beings.

Harry spoke before he even realized what he was doing. “Your parents...were they like my aunt and uncle? Like...like Theos dad?”

As Sirius gave a small nod, Remus sighed, rapped his knuckles on the table and stood, walking out of the room without a word. The remaining two continued to watch each other carefully. A full minute passed in silence before Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he was no longer looking at Harry, but rather a spot on the wall behind him and he had a faraway look in his eyes.

“My family...they were quite...they were obscenely rich. They threw money around like confetti and frankly, they weren’t good people. Our family was universally feared. My brother and I learned that from a young age. When we would visit our grandparents in China, people would jump into the streets to clear a path for us. When we would stay at our family estate in France, the staff would shake when my father entered the room. And here, in London, we were under constant surveillance from the tabloids. You see, most of my family’s fortune was built on blood money and underground business transactions. Reg and I were raised by nannies, tutored in French and Mandrain, taught proper etiquette for dinner parties and given lessons on classical piano. You know, normal stuff for an eight-year-old to know.” Harry could hear the bitterness in his guardian’s voice. He sighed and shook his head before continuing.

“But I was never like them. I didn’t understand why my life was more valuable just because I was born into money. I hadn’t done anything to earn it. So, I acted out. I talked back, grew out my hair, listened to rock and roll, that kind of thing.” His eyes finally moved back to meet Harry’s, who was shocked by the coldness behind his guardian’s usually warm, smokey grey eyes.

“They didn’t like that much. I won’t go into details, but they left lasting scars, both physically and psychologically. When I went to Hogwarts, I met Rem.” His lips curled up a bit at the corners and his eyes softened significantly. “He was a scholarship kid and it royally pissed off my parents that I became friends with someone who was so far beneath me.” His voice dripped with sarcasm and he rolled his eyes. “Really, they never liked any of my friends. Marls fed into my deviant behavior, Mary’s parents were more of the ‘crystals and tarot cards’ type, and the Prewett twins were getting us into trouble more often than not. And as if I hadn’t disappointed them enough, when I was fourteen, I came to the sudden realization that I was gay. And that was terrifying. I did everything I could to ‘make myself straight.’ But the fact is, no matter how hard you try, you can’t change who you are at your core. And at my core, was a kid who was incredibly gay.” He cracked a small smile before becoming solemn once more. “When I was sixteen, my parents started talking about marriage contracts, because that’s the kind of people they were. And, I just panicked...I...I tried to take my own life. I figured, better to die by my own hands than suffer through a long and horrible life.”

Sirius paused, trying to gauge Harry’s emotions. His face gave nothing away, but his heart was clenching so tightly in his chest he thought it might burst. The similarities in their stories were uncanny. And while the teen had never actively attempted suicide, the thoughts were still there. But there was no way he would ever admit that outloud.

The man sighed and continued. “Remus actually found me, pocket knife in my hand, just staring at my reflection in the mirror. I honestly didn’t even notice he was there until he had taken the knife out of my hand and pulled me into his arms. I immediately broke down crying. He just held me and told me that I was only sixteen and that my life wouldn’t be like this forever. I ended up telling him everything that night. About my being gay, my parent’s abuse, my inherent need to be a better person than them. Little did I know that he was already head over heels in love with me, but then again, I have been known to be a bit oblivious.” He gave a sad chuckle as he wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes. Harry didn’t fully understand why the man was sharing his entire life story but he let Sirius continue regardless.

“After that, with the help of my friends, I wrote a letter to my parents basically saying ‘fuck you, I’m gay’ along with a restraining order I had filed behind their backs. Then I moved in with one of my best friends, Marlene McKinnon and her family.” Harry’s eyes went wide and Sirius gave him a knowing smirk and a slight nod to confirm the boy’s unasked question. “I begged my brother to come with me, but he was scared. I don’t blame him though. He was always the favorite. He always did what my parents asked and he never stepped one toe out of line. But, despite what it looked like to everyone else, he never turned his back on me. He didn’t care that I was gay, which is a big deal in my family, and he did his best to keep in contact with me when I left. But after all that, things really started to get better. Remus and I finally got together, thanks to several interventions from our friends, and we all graduated and got jobs. And then, after a few years, both my parents died. Reg forced me to take half of everything. He also officially un-banished me and my cousin Andi, who had also been disowned. You see, she had fallen in love with a pub owner and they had a kid out of wedlock, which apparently made her a total disgrace to the Black family name. Nobody was even allowed to speak her name without starting World War 3, so naturally, I brought her up every chance I got. But, I digress. I used the money to buy Moons and I this house, and to open up my little record shop. I never could have imagined my life turning out this way. But here I am.”

Sirius clasped his hands in front of him and carefully watched Harry who said nothing. He leaned forward in his chair and his eyes searched the boy’s face. “Listen kid, to be honest, you remind me so much of myself at your age. And it’s not just me. Marls texted me after your first day in her class. She saw something in you Harry. Something you can’t seem to see in yourself. You’re a smart kid. And I know it’s hard to trust that people have your best intentions at heart. You’ve had to endure more than anyone should have to in their entire life and you’re still so young. I know that one conversation isn’t going to make you open yourself up. But I want you to know that Remus and I aren’t going to be giving up on you anytime soon. Not without a fight.”

Harry stared down into his mug of tea that had long since gone cold. Sirius stood and went to pat the boy’s shoulder before deciding against it and walking out of the kitchen. He could hear a quiet conversation taking place in another room between his current guardians. He couldn’t make out what they were saying but he knew Sirius was filling his husband in on the conversation that just took place. Even though it wasn’t much of a ‘conversation’ as it was a one-sided talk. Eventually, Harry stood and snuck quietly up to his room. He laid awake in his bed long after the sun had set, thinking about the words Sirius and Ms. McKinnon had said to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Marlene are what we call WLW/MLM solidarity. And of course I had to bring my girl Marly back because I love her so much. 
> 
> You guys were so sweet with your comments on the last chapter. I definitely teared up a bit because I’m super soft ™ So thank you for that! Please continue to let me know what you guys think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Semi-graphic child abuse  
> This chapter is mostly fluff, with like a splash of OUCH. What can I say? I apparently love angst and it hurts my boy in the process. (Sorry. But also not really.)  
> Also, this is another one of my favorite chapters. I love Remus so much.

Over the next few days, Harry went out of his way to avoid the couple. When their paths did cross, he kept his head down and stayed silent. That is, until December 24th. Harry crept down the stairs to get something to eat when he smelt the all too familiar scent of weed. He wandered into the living room where he found Sirius laying with his head on Remus’ lap who was smoking a joint and running his fingers through his husband’s hair. Both men had their eyes closed and didn’t notice him come in. In one corner of the room stood a large Christmas tree, completely decked out in ornaments, lights and tinsel. There was Queen vinyl playing on the record player and Sirius was snapping along to _Killer Queen_. The teen just stood in the doorway as he watched Remus put the joint to his lips and inhale. Harry then cleared his throat and watched as his English teacher jumped and coughed, smoke billowing out of his mouth.

“Harry! You scared the shit out of me.” He heard Sirius laugh from his place on his husband’s lap.

“You can come in, you know.” Sirius told him.

Harry gave the men a small smirk and raised his eyebrow, silently reached his hand out in a request for the joint. Remus hesitated just for a moment before handing it over. He sat on the floor on the other side of the coffee table before he closed his eyes and took a deep inhale.

Sirius narrowed his eyes a bit and gave the boy a smirk. “I see this isn’t your first time.”

Harry snorted a laugh and shook his head. “Ah, no. That would have been when I was fourteen. Though, I have to say, Remus being a stoner did catch me off guard.” Harry said, looking at his guardians with new-found intrigue. After a few hits, he felt his thoughts start to fade away and he reveled in the quietness in his head that can only be achieved by a good high.

Sirius barked out a laugh. “Yeah that one threw me for a loop too. Imagine my surprise when I went on a nighttime stroll and found a fifteen-year-old Remus John Lupin smoking and star gazing on the astronomy tower.” Remus laughed at the memory and leaned his elbow on the armrest. 

“Come on Pads. It’s not _that_ surprising.” He responded somewhat defensively.

“Okay, seriously, what is the story behind these nicknames?” The boy asked, leaning back to rest his weight on his palms after passing the joint to Sirius.

“Oh god. Okay so, Moony here used to constantly fall asleep during class” Remus rolled his eyes with a smile on his face. “None of us could figure out why because he was always the first to go to bed every night. Then, one night, in year 10, I woke up in the middle of the night and found him sitting on the windowsill reading. Apparently, he would hide out in his bed until everyone else went to sleep and would sneak out to read in different spots of the school. I immediately started laughing, waking up the twins in the process. I mean, leave it to Remmy to rebel by staying up late to read.” Sirius explained, waving his hands around as he spoke. Remus grabbed one of his wrists and plucked the joint out from between his fingers muttering something about catching the house on fire.

“Oh sure. Pick on ol’ Moony. I mean, even your nickname came from you guys making fun of me.” He poked his husband in the ribs. “You see, Pads can’t function for more than twenty seconds at a time unless someone is paying attention to him.” Sirius scoffed but didn’t interrupt. “So I was busy studying for an exam and he would not stop pacing behind me, waiting for me to be done. So, I yelled at him to stop ‘padding around like a dog’ and do something useful with his time. And naturally, instead of leaving me alone, all of our friends proceeded to mock my expansive vocabulary and this idiot claimed he would only answer to ‘Padfoot’ from that day forward. Which of course, lasted until McGonagall’s next class.” Remus said, stubbing out the butt of the joint as he exhaled the last bit of smoke.

“Isn’t it weird for you Remus, to be back there? I mean, I couldn’t imagine working in a place with so many memories.” 

The man ran a hand through his tawny curls and chuckled. “Yeah, sometimes it’s a little weird, I guess. I mean, there are times when I’m patrolling the corridors at night and I’m half expecting to get a detention for being out past curfew before realizing that I’m the one who’s supposed to be giving out the detentions. And I’ve definitely dropped a few obscenities around Minnie and I always expect her to reprimand me, but she never does.

“Minnie?” Harry’s eyes went wide and a smirk spread across his face.

“Oh god! Please don’t tell her I told you that. She’ll definitely seek revenge for that.”

“Oh please Moons! I called her Minnie to her face since we were 12 and the most I got was a glare and a reminder to respect authority figures.” Sirius smiled brightly, clearly proud of this fact.

“Yes, but she also constantly referred to _you_ as the bane of her existence and a menace to society. Frankly, I don’t think that woman had a moment of peace until after we graduated.” Remus reminded him, returning to comb his fingers through his husband’s hair and looking incredibly content.

“Speaking of menaces to society…” Sirius turns to face Harry with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes that he had only ever seen in a pair of gingers. “Tell me about Fabian and Gideon’s nephews. What did you call them again, Moons? The Weasley Terrors? And I believe I remember hearing something about desks.”

“Oh god. That um...well, I might be partially to blame for that particular incident.” Harry said, looking intently at the ashtray in front of him, cheeks pinking.

Sirius barked a laugh while Remus stared at Harry with an open mouth and wide eyes. “And how, exactly did you fit into that disaster?” The curly haired man asked.

“I think you mean masterpiece.” His husband supplied.

“Not now Pads.”

“Okay, well, let me rephrase that. I didn’t have anything to do with the prank itself. And I still have absolutely no idea how they managed to pull that off. But I _may_ have asked them for a little help at getting the school to stop making up insane rumors about how I knifed someone and now I’m here because I’m in witness protection.”

The two men laughed and shook their heads. Suddenly, Sirius jumped up and yelled ‘snacks’ before running out of the room. Harry stared after the man in surprise while Remus acted as if this was a completely normal occurrence. 

“Oh, Harry.” Harry turned back to the man who gave him a small smile. “Please keep this,” He waved his hand over the ashtray “to yourself if you don’t mind. I don’t want all of my students to know how cool I actually am.”

“As far as they’re concerned, you’re still a total loser.” The boy said with his hands up in mock surrender, smiling.

Soon Sirius made his way back, holding a large bag of popcorn, a bag of gummy worms and some peppermint bark. He plopped himself down and dropped his goods on the table in front of him, looking quite pleased with himself. Sirius once again settled his head in Remus’ lap as he opened up the bag of gummy worms. Harry watched as Remus smiled down at his husband and dipped his head down to kiss him. Sirius mumbled something against his lips and Remus shook his head with a fond chuckle. _Maybe you could get used to this._ His phone buzzed in his pocket. _Oh shit. You keep forgetting you have that._ There was a text from Theo.

**Hey Haz. How are you? I know tomorrow’s gonna be a rough day for you. But you can always call me if you need to. :)**

“Fuck.” Harry muttered under his breath, eyes immediately going to the large tree in the corner of the room. _Well, at least you got to forget for a while._

“You okay there kiddo?” Sirius asked him. Harry looked up to see both men watching him with a concerned look.

“Er...yeah. I-I’m fine.” Harry’s hands started shaking a bit as he stood. “I’m gonna…” He trailed off and then left the room without finishing his sentence. He walked up the stairs and sat on his bed. He pulled out his phone to respond to Theo but instead, he just stared at the screen, lost for words. A few minutes later, there was a knock at his door. The boy looked up to see Remus enter with a cup of tea in his hand. He set the mug down on the table next to Harry’s bed and looked like he wanted to say something, but the boy turned away before the man had the chance. A few seconds later, he heard the door shut, leaving him alone again.

~~~~~

_Harry looked straight up, into the purple face of his Uncle Vernon. “YOU UNGRATEFUL FREAK! WE TOOK YOU IN OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF OUR HEARTS! BUT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU IS IT?”_

_The four-year-old felt the wind get knocked out of his lungs as he was pushed up against the wall. Big hands held his shoulders in a bruising grip. He watched as Dudley threw the one tiny brown box with his name on it into the fire and he felt tears well up in his eyes._

_His uncle got so close to his face that he could feel the heat of his breath on his cheek as the man whispered into his ear.“Maybe a few days in the cupboard would do you some good. It might finally teach you to know your place.” He pulled back and smiled menacingly at the small boy before picking him up by the back of his shirt and dragging him to his ‘room.’ He’s thrown unceremoniously onto the tiny cot before being plunged into the darkness. He heard the haunting sound of the padlock clicking into place._

_His tiny fists pounded on the door and his voice grew hoarse from crying out. “Please let me out. I’m sorry. I promise I'll be good. Please let me out.”_

Harry sat straight up in bed and wiped the tears from his eyes. He felt a hand on his knee and looked over to see the faces of both of his guardians looking at him with a mixture of concern and sadness. Harry opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. His mouth had gone dry and his throat felt sore from yelling. Instead, Remus pressed a glass of cold water into his hands. Harry gulped down the entire glass and handed it back, wiping his mouth with the back of his shaking hand. 

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked in a whisper, lowering himself to sit on the bed by Harry’s knees.

“I’m sorry for waking you up.” Harry whispered, looking down at his hands.

“You didn’t, but don’t worry about that.” Remus assured him, rubbing circles on the boy’s back. “We just want to make sure you’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

Harry shook his head and mumbled under his breath. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter Harry. And we would like you to talk to us. But we won’t force you to.” Sirius said, hand still resting on his knee.

“I just don’t like Christmas very much.” Harry mumbled. He slid out of his bed and walked out of the room before promptly locking himself in the bathroom to cry quietly to himself.

~~~~~

Early in the afternoon, Harry’s stomach growled loudly and he sighed, knowing he could no longer hide out in his room. He quietly descended the stairs, hoping he could sneak in and out of the kitchen without being noticed. That hope quickly died when he pushed open the kitchen door to see both of his guardians in the kitchen. Remus was standing at the counter, fixing two cups of hot cocoa while Sirius was standing behind him with his arms wrapped around his husband. Both men turned when the boy entered the room. He was about to turn and leave, forgoing food entirely when his stomach growled again. He paused in the doorway and chanced a quick look back at his guardians.

Sirius looked at him softly. “Do you want me to make you something small? A sandwich maybe?”

Harry hesitated and then nodded before sitting at the table. Remus joined him at the table, handing a mug to him. _When did he make a third cup?_ The boy ate in silence and the two men sipped their hot, sweet drinks. He watched as Remus reached across the and grabbed his husband’s hand, drawing little patterns on the man’s palm with his fingers.

“‘M sorry if I ruined your holiday.” Harry mumbled, looking down at his now empty plate.

“You didn’t ruin anything.” Remus paused before adding “We do have a surprise for you, but if you’d rather get it another day, that’s fine.”

The boy looked up in shock. “You didn’t have to do anything for me. You’ve already done so much...”

Harry stopped when a hand with a finger tattoo of a moon covered his own. “We wanted to. Did you want to…” Sirius trailed off, motioning towards the living room with his head. The boy hesitated slightly before he nodded and got up to follow the two men. They entered the living room and went right over to the Christmas tree. Harry had not actually looked at the tree up close, despite having been in the house for five days already. Besides last night, he had pretty much avoided this room because of it. He looked at the mixture of store bought and homemade ornaments. He touched a photo of a smiling boy with a missing tooth, probably about five-years-old, framed by colored popsicle sticks. ‘Remus, 1989’ is written in marker along the top and he briefly let himself imagine a future where he could have something like this. A bunch of wonderful memories on display and maybe, even someone to share them with. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand touching his shoulder. He turned around to see Sirius handing him a large, flat box with a smile. Harry looked at it hesitantly before taking it. He carefully removed the paper, as if he was trying to save it. Once the paper fell to the floor, he took off the top of the box and gasped. He looked up at the two men with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He carefully removed the brand new leather jacket from the box, letting it drop to the floor with its wrappings.

“I-I...I can’t” He said, shaking his head and holding the jacket out for the man to take back.

Instead, Sirius pushed the jacket back towards Harry with a genuine smile. “It’s yours. We want you to have it. Besides, you really needed another jacket kid. You don’t want to freeze out there, do ya?”

The boy took a shaky breath and whispered under his breath as tears started rolling down his cheeks. “Nobody has ever bought me anything new before.”

Sirius pressed his lips together and Remus urged Harry to try on the jacket. He pulled his arms through the sleeves and looked at the two men. And for the first time in two years, his smile reached his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You CANNOT convince me that Remus is not a total stoner. I don’t know where I got this headcanon but now it’s stuck and it ain’t going anywhere.  
> Am I using fictional gay dads to cope with my personal daddy issues??? MaYhApS. BUT Moomy and Dadfoot, amiright?  
> Also, it occurred to me in the middle of the night that I should have started the story off with Harry being put in the foster system at age 11 but oh well.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure fluff. I had to give my boy a break from the pain.
> 
> Also, a special thanks to my sister who listened to me scream out of context sentences to her from this chapter over facetime before she left for work. :)

The rest of the winter holidays passed by too quickly for Harry’s liking. After Christmas Day, he spent most of his time with the Black-Lupins. The three of them spent nights smoking and laughing at the stories from Remus and Sirius’ days at school. Mornings were spent drinking coffee in comfortable silence. Sirius even brought Harry to his record shop. Remus insisted that they use the car because he wasn’t sold on the idea of the boy on the back of the motorbike, but Sirius said he’d come around to it eventually.

All too soon, it was the night before school started again. While Remus was distracted by the dinner dishes, Sirius pulled Harry into the living room. 

“Hey kid, I have something I want to talk to you about. And no, I am not above bribery.” Harry raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but Sirius raised a hand up, silencing him. He held up a small baggie filled with pre-rolled joints and smirked at Harry before continuing. “I am willing to become your...supplier, for lack of a better word, on three conditions. One, don’t tell Moons. As your teacher, he should be allowed to have plausible deniability. Two, don’t rat me out if you get caught.” Harry snorted out a laugh when Sirius winked before he motioned for the man to continue. “Three, and arguably the most important condition, is if you want to continue this arrangement, you have to come visit me every few weekends.” Harry didn’t have to think twice before accepting the offer. 

“Sounds good Padfoot.” He said with a genuine smile. 

The man’s face lit up at the boy using his nickname and Harry couldn’t help but laugh at his guardian’s goofy grin. He really did resemble a dog in a way.  _ Maybe coming to visit every so often isn’t the worst idea. _

~~~~~

The next morning, the boy and his teacher climbed into the car, that was surly older than Harry himself, and the curly haired man pressed a cassette into the car’s player. The intro of  _ I Zimbra _ filled the car. Harry turned to his guardian with a raised eyebrow as the vehicle pulled out onto the road. 

“What? Did you think Pads was the only one who listened to good music?”

“Yeah actually.” The boy replied with a playful smirk.

Remus clutched his chest in mock offense. “I’m cool.” He said defensively. “After all, I did marry Sirius.”

“No offense, but I’m not sure that makes you cool. Mental, maybe.” The teen said with a chuckle. 

“Oddly enough, the majority of people at our wedding said the same thing.” Remus responded with a wink.

The two spent most of the drive just listening to Remus’ collection of cassettes. Neither of them felt the need to say much of anything. Harry felt content in a way he had only ever felt when he was with Theo.  _ Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to spend more time with Remus. _ Bowie was halfway through  _ Ziggy Stardust _ when Remus noticed Harry fidgeting with the sleeve of his new jacket. He turned down the volume on the radio and addressed him.

“You okay kid?” He asked, trying to simultaneously watch the road and look at the teen in the passenger seat.

“Yeah. I’m good. I was just wondering...you mentioned a few times that you wanted to have tea together during the week...is that still okay? I don’t want to take up too much of your time but if you’re not too busy…” Harry trailed off and looked down at his hands, his cheeks pinking.

“Of course we can. I’d like that very much.” Remus smiled at him and turned onto the path leading up to the school. They parked, got out of the car and made their way through the snow up to the school. Harry started to make his way up the stairs, when at the last minute, he turned back and threw his arms around the man. 

“Thank you. For everything.” He whispered before turning and running up the stairs, leaving a smiling Remus behind him. 

Harry made his way to the common room where Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny were sitting and talking about their holidays. They all smiled and waved to him as he headed towards the dorms.  _ Being friendly isn’t the same as getting attached. Right? Right.  _ He turned and faced the group. 

“Ron, are you up for a game of chess?”

All four people turned and stared, wide eyed, at Harry as he ruffled his mop of hair. Ron quickly recovered from his shock. “Yeah mate! I’m always down for a game.”

Harry nodded and smiled to himself as he watched the ginger set up the board.  _ Maybe having a friend or two would be good for you. Even if it’s only temporary. _

~~~~~

The first few weeks of the new term were a strange experience for Harry. He was making a conscious effort to spend more time with Ron and his friends. But, being so used to spending all his time alone, he was finding it quite exhausting to actively spend time with others. In the past, even when he was around people, he was withdrawn. Now, he returns to his dorm each night, completely drained, but happier than he had been in a long time. He can’t remember the last time he let people close enough to be considered friends. Of course, there had been Theo and his other former foster siblings but, this felt different. Not better or worse, but different.

Harry kept his word to his guardians. Every week, he met with Remus for tea. They sat for hours together just talking. He answered questions about his classes, told him about the chaos that comes with hanging out with Ron and his friends and listened to several stories involving Sirius and the fire department. And after a few weeks, he even started to talk about his own upbringing. He told Remus about the Dursleys, and Harry could see the anger and hurt in the man’s eyes. He didn’t say anything but he did put a reassuring hand on the boy’s knee. And that was enough.

He was also going home every few weekends. The three of them smoked together and watched reruns of 90s American sitcoms, which Sirius loved. They continued to bring him to the record store, where they all got into heated arguments about music. Sirius was personally offended that both Harry and Remus preferred Talking Heads to The Sex Pistols. He claimed that the only reasonable solution was for Harry to spend the entire summer helping him at the shop so he can be ‘properly educated on rock and roll.’ The boy had no objections.

It all felt very domestic.

At the end of January, Theo stopped him on the way to dinner. It was the first time since coming to Hogwarts that Harry saw him without Draco or Blaise close by. 

“Hey Haz. How are you?”

“Hey. I’m doing surprisingly well actually. What about you?”

“I’m good. But I’m also really glad to see you’re doing better than the last time we talked.” 

Harry rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah...sorry about that. And also, sorry about not texting back after Christmas Eve.” 

Theo clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a genuine smile. “Don’t worry about it mate. I’m just glad you’re doing well. It looks like the break was good for you.”  
Harry opened his mouth to respond when he spotted a head of white-blonde hair coming around the corner. He sighed and mentally prepared himself for whatever passive-aggressive bullshit was inevitably about to go down.

Draco looked between the two friends before turning fully to face Theo. “So, are you done here?”

“Draco, come on. We’ve talked about this. Harry is my friend and…”

Harry cut Theo off to avoid creating any more awkward tension between himself and Draco. “I actually have to get going. Ron is waiting for me. It was nice talking to you Theo, I’ll see you later.” Theo hesitated slightly but eventually let the blonde drag him to the other side of the Great Hall. He quickly spotted Ron’s bright red hair and walked over to greet him. As soon as he got within speaking distance, Seamus turned to him excitedly. 

“Great! You’re here! We are having a debate and we need your input. Who’s the cutest couple? Currently tied for first place are Linny and Nev and Trev.” He looked at the green-eyed boy expectantly.

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna need you to back up there. What the hell are you talking about?” Harry said, sitting down.

Hermione sighed. “Okay, so these morons,” she motioned to Ron and Seamus. “came to dinner stating that Neville and Trevor could win any ‘cutest couples’ contest, hands down. Ginny thought that she and Luna were cuter, which Dean and I happen to agree with because, I mean, at least they are both human beings. Neville refuses to participate because he said we were, and I quote, ‘disrespecting his son’s honor’ and Ron, Seamus and surprisingly, Luna think that Neville and Trevor’s love is one for the ages.”

“HE’S MY SON!” Neville shouted as Ginny glared at Luna, clearly not happy by her girlfriend’s vote in the matter. Harry couldn’t help but laugh.

“Harry! This is serious. You have the tie breaking vote.” Whined Ron.

“Okay, well, Ginny and Luna are adorable-” 

“SEE?” Ginny yelled at her girlfriend, gesturing to Harry.

“You didn’t let me finish!” The boy said with a smirk before continuing, much to Ginny’s chagrin. “And while I respect your father-son relationship with him, I have personally borne witness to your three-hour-long drunken rants about how adorable Trevor’s little sticky feet are. So I’m going to have to vote for you guys.”

Ginny crossed her arms and grumbled something about it being rigged, clearly unhappy with the results. But Harry saw her lips turn up a bit in the corners against her will when her girlfriend kissed her on the cheek. 

About halfway through dinner, while everyone around him was debating the proper use of the word ‘yeet’ in the English language, Harry looked up to the staff table and saw Remus watching him with a smile.  _ Maybe Hogwarts isn’t all that bad. _

~~~~~

A few fairly uneventful weeks passed by and Harry felt himself settling into a sense of normalcy. It was a strange feeling for him, seeing as he had never experienced anything close to that. He had just finished talking to Remus about their plans for going home that weekend and was leaving his guardian’s classroom when he physically ran into someone who was walking past the door. The other person dropped a textbook and Harry bent down to pick it up. When he looked up, he was met by a pair of piercing blue eyes. Cedric.  _ Wow. How very ‘rom-com’ of you.  _ He awkwardly handed the boy the textbook and started to walk away when the older boy called out to him. 

“Harry, wait up.” He jogged to catch up to the smaller teen. Harry stopped and turned to face him. When Cedric caught up to him, he looked like he lost any amount of confidence he had managed to muster up. “Uh...thanks. For picking up my books…” He awkwardly held up said textbook and looked down, suddenly finding his shoes fascinating.

“Er, sure thing.” Harry supplied.

“I like your jacket.” Cedric mumbled quickly.

Harry raised an eyebrow in confusion. “This is my school blazer…” He gestured to the flustered teen in front of him. “you’re wearing the exact same one.”

“Yeah. I know...I meant your leather jacket. I just never got to say anything when you were actually...wearing…it.” Cedric rubbed the back of his neck and Harry swore he could see a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“It was a Christmas present.” He stated bluntly. The two boys stared at each other, each waiting for the other one to break the silence. Harry was trying to find any reason he could use to end what might possibly be the most uncomfortable conversation he had ever been a part of, when Cedric once again spoke up.

“So, you and Theo Nott are pretty close huh?” 

Harry stood there dumb-founded.  _ Where did that even come from? _ “What? Uh, yeah I guess?”

Cedric opened his mouth to respond when Harry caught a glimpse of Neville walking down the stairs and heading outside. He jumped at the chance, not knowing how else to leave even semi-politely.

“I have to go.” He half-shouted at the other boy, managing to catch his roommate’s attention in the process. “I have to help Nev with something in the greenhouses and we mustn't keep the plants waiting.” Harry flashed him a somewhat forced smile and ran up to Neville, quickly ushering him out of the school building. He heard Cedric mumble some form of a goodbye from behind him but he didn’t acknowledge it. 

Once the pair were outside, he took a deep breath and patted Neville on the shoulder. The two walked in silence for a bit before his companion spoke up.

“So, are we just going to pretend that wasn’t the most painfully awkward interaction two human beings have ever had or…” Harry narrowed his eyes at him and lightly bumped his shoulder with his own. “Understood.” He said with a chuckle. 

When the pair entered the greenhouse, Neville immediately got to work showing Harry how to tend to the plants. Harry had never seen the other boy so animated. Neville had evidently named each plant and even had a notebook filled with facts about their individual growth patterns. He kept sprouting out fun facts about the plants and the occasional pun that Harry couldn’t help but laugh at. 

The sun began to set and the two made their way up to the castle for dinner. As they approached the building, Harry became increasingly aware of the warmth emanating from the windows and the laughter echoing down the halls and he began to truly see how this school could be considered a home for its students. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So:  
> 1\. I love Talking Heads and I think they are one of the greatest rock bands in history and I WILL die on that hill.  
> 2\. I have a treefrog. His name is Ronald (Yes, he is named after the ginger boy) and I have, in fact, spent hours drunkenly ranting to my friends about how much I love him and his little sticky feet and his little buggy eyes and literally everything else about him. He is my son and I will protect him with my life.   
> 3\. I have drank so much coffee today in an attempt to motivate myself to write. But instead, my heart is beating really fast, my anxiety and ADHD are fighting for attention and all I want to do is watch My Hero Academia and snuggle with my cat so that’s where I’m at currently.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. My brain is mush right now so I don't really know how effective the latest edit was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, Have some fluff. Enjoy it because next chapter is O U C H. :) I regret nothing and everything.

As Harry and Remus drove up to the Black-Lupin house, they were greeted by three additional cars in the driveway. The boy was about to ask his guardian who they belonged to but as soon as the car door opened, the pair heard yelling coming from inside. He looked up at the man with wide eyes but Remus seemed completely unfazed. 

“It sounds like the Black family is having a little reunion of sorts.” He said, shaking his head with a chuckle. They grabbed their bags and as they made their way inside, the conversation got clearer.

“She literally tried to bribe my husband to not marry me.” Harry heard the loud, familiar voice of Sirius.

“In her defense, she was completely coked up on your wedding day.” He heard another man respond to his guardian. He sounded almost amused at the conversation.

“She’s really trying this time Sirius.” This voice belonged to a woman who was decidedly less amused than the second man.

“Cissy, you’ve said that the last three times.” Sirius huffed. Harry could practically hear the man rolling his eyes.

“Will you at least visit her?” Said the woman who was apparently named ‘Cissy.’

“I would rather die.” The boy’s guardian declared loudly.

The other man spoke up again. “Quit being so dramatic Siri.”

At this point, the pair had made their way into the kitchen and Remus had a fond smile on his face as he made his presence known. “My husband, dramatic? Never.” All heads turned towards the pair entering the kitchen as Sirius jumped up and ran into his husband’s arms, kissing him on the cheek as if they were reuniting after years apart.

Harry rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the guests sitting at the table. There was a man who looked a lot like Sirius but with shorter hair and much better posture, a smiling woman with long, curly, brown hair and a very motherly demeanor, and a woman with pin-straight, bleach blonde hair who looked shockingly similar to Draco Malfoy. The two made brief eye contact and she was the first to speak out of the entire group. 

“So, this must be the boy you two are caring for?” She asked the couple, her eyebrow raised.

“Oh! Yes. This is Harry.” Sirius said excitedly, giving the boy a side hug and a huge smile. “Harry, this is my brother Reggie, and my cousins Andi and Cissy.” He gestured to each person respectively.

“Sirius, please.” The blonde woman, Cissy, said shaking her head. She turned her attention back to the teen. “Our proper names are Regulus, Andromeda and Narcissa. But unfortunately, your guardian seems to be incapable of referring to us as anything other than our childhood nicknames.” She spoke coldly but Harry could tell she was at least partially fond of the man in question.

“Harry, your friend Theo actually lives with Cissy’s family.” Sirius explained with a smile.

_ So she really is Draco’s mother. _ He decided to ignore that fact as he responded sincerely. After all, this is the woman who took in the person who he considered his closest friend. It’s not necessarily her fault her son is a total prat. He smiled at the woman as he spoke. “Theo always spoke very highly of your family. I’m really glad he has you guys.” 

“He is such a sweet kid. We were happy to be there for him. Especially when his rotten father died.” Everyone in the room seemed to silently be in agreement in their opinion of the deceased man. A fact that Harry took, probably a little too much, pleasure in.  _ Serves him right, being the garbage fire he was. _ Narcissa lowered her voice and once again, made eye contact with the boy. “And I do hope my son Draco isn’t too cold towards you. He isn’t often the...friendliest when it comes to new people.” The look she gave told the teen that she was well aware of her son’s feelings towards him. He responded with a soft chuckle and a short nod.  _ Understatement of the century. _

“So what was the reason for all the commotion? Did I hear something about Bella?” Remus asked the members of the Black family, taking the attention away from his foster child, which Harry was eternally grateful for.

“Yes you did, Remus. Bellatrix is going back to rehab.” Narcissa explained.

“This is her fifth time, and every time she gets out, she goes back to drugs. It’s not working and we cannot keep enabling her.” Sirius said, crossing his arms as he continued his argument from before his husband arrived.

“Cissy, I think Siri might be right this time. Maybe if she doesn’t have us to bail her out this time, she’ll take her sobriety seriously.” Regulus told his cousin. 

“One can only hope.” The brunette spoke for the first time since Harry had arrived. She stood and looked at the boy with a warm, genuine smile. “It is very nice to meet you Harry. From what I hear, Sirius and Remus have both become quite taken with you.” He looked down, his cheeks pinking. “And though I would love to talk with you all some more, I really must be going. Dora is bringing her girlfriend home for dinner tonight.” The other two members of Sirius’ family also stood, preparing to leave. 

“I hope we can get together again soon.” Regulus said with a smile. “Preferably under better circumstances.” He added, giving a pointed look to Narcissa.

“We are not finished discussing this.” The blonde responded firmly.

“Just promise me you won’t give her any more money. At least not until we talk about this some more.” Sirius requested earnestly.

“I do have to agree with Siri on that. I love my sister dearly but Bella needs to understand that even we have limits to what we are willing to do for her.” Stated Andromeda firmly, addressing her sister in particular.

Narcissa didn’t look happy with the way the conversation was ending but she nodded in confirmation anyway. At that, everyone said their goodbyes and soon, the house fell silent. Harry took a moment to enjoy the lack of chaos, but it was rather short lived as Sirius came running back into the kitchen and dragged Harry to the living room to smoke, which had become somewhat of a routine for them. The three settled around the coffee table, where Sirius rolled a joint while Remus began to order them dinner from his phone. 

“So, when were you going to tell me that you were related to Draco Malfoy?”

The two men chuckled as Remus put away his phone to light up the joint being held up in front of his face by his husband. “It’s not a secret. It just never came up in conversation, I guess.” Sirius shrugged, leaning to rest his head on the back of the couch. 

“Wait, so you’ve met Theo then?” The boy asked the long haired man. 

“I’ve met him once or twice. He seems like a good kid.”

“He is.” The teen said with a fond smile as he took the joint from his other guardian’s outstretched hand.

“Are you two…” Harry was mid-inhale and immediately started coughing and looked aghast at his guardian.

“No! Of course not!”

“You are gay though, right? I got that vibe from you.” Remus swatted his husband’s shoulder as the man leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Harry came to the sudden realization that the couple had likely discussed his sexuality as well as how to broach the subject. It was also quite clear that this was not the way they had agreed to do so, based on the fact that Remus was still glaring at his husband for his lack of tact. Harry decided to answer the question once he regained control of his breathing following his coughing fit.

“Bi.” He confirmed. “And Theo’s just a really good friend. More like a brother actually.”

“I see.” The man searched the boy’s face while he inhaled smoke. Harry, not wanting to continue talking about himself, in any capacity, quickly changed the subject. 

“So, why does your family speak so formally to each other?”

Remus laughed as he answered. “That would be the aristocracy.” 

It was now Sirius’ turn to swat at Remus.

~~~~~

Harry walked into his dorm on Sunday evening and dropped his bag on his bed. He put his hand in the pocket of his hoodie to grab his phone but instead, he pulled out the new baggy of joints that Sirius had given him on his way out the door. He suddenly had an idea and sat down at his desk to write a short note.

**Fred,**

**Meet me under the stands at the field at 8 pm.**

**Harry**

He folded it up and slid it under the door of the intended recipient. He looked at the time on his phone. 7:00. He had nothing else to do so he started slowly making his way to the football fields. As he walked the halls of the school, Harry let his mind wander. It was as if Hogwarts had this magical aura to it. For the first time in his life he almost felt like a normal teenager instead of just a freak with a tragic backstory. He wasn’t foolish enough to believe that this would last, but he found himself actually enjoying the time he was given. And there were even a few times, where he could almost let his guard down, which is practically unheard of in the timeline of his life thus far. 

Before he knew it, Harry had made his way to the wooden crates under the stands. He checked his phone and to see how much time he had left until he had planned to meet his...friend?...acquaintance?...person he knew? But before he could overanalyze his internal monologue again, he heard footsteps and looked up from his phone to see Fred walking hesitantly forward. Harry couldn’t blame him for being weary, the last time they were together, he had stormed away dramatically after going off on the ginger teen. 

“Figured I should pay you back…” He said, shaking the baggy of joints Sirius had given him earlier. “And also apologize for being such a prick.”

Fred narrowed his eyes, most likely gauging the sincerity of this apology. But his demeanor quickly relaxed. He gave a small smile and sat down next to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “It’s all good mate. So what sparked the change of heart?” 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked as he lit one of the joints. He inhaled and passed it, turning to face the other boy.  
“Oh please, you’re like a totally different person. I didn’t even know you were physically capable of smiling at anyone who wasn’t named Theodore Nott. Then you come back after the holiday and you’re super friendly all of a sudden.”

“Shut up.” He bumped his shoulder against Fred’s, turning his face to hide the slight blush creeping up his cheeks. _You know, he’s not wrong. You did basically a total 180._ Fred continued. _  
_ “I’m serious, mate. I know we aren’t super close or anything but I think you’re pretty alright and I’m glad that you seem to be happier.”

“Yeah…” He trailed off. The pair sat in relative quiet for a bit as they passed the joint back and forth. It almost felt the way it did with Theo. Not quite the same, but still comfortable.  _ It’s okay to get comfortable even if you know it won’t last. Right? _ Before letting himself spiral, Harry spoke up.

“So how did you guys manage to pull off that desk prank?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” The ginger winked and Harry laughed, shaking his head. But before he could respond, Fred continued, “are you ever going to give Cedric a chance?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Harry retorted which earned him a snort and a mumbled ‘ touché .’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t even get into how much I love Regulus Black. I am currently in the process of writing a Black brothers fic (or two) because I love them and THOSE BOYS DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE SHIT JK R*WLING PUT THEM THROUGH. I’m going to go call my sister and cry about the Black brothers now.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic attack

It was a Thursday morning and Harry was half asleep, sipping his coffee as his friends had an animated discussion around him. He was too tired to actually partake in the conversation but from what he gathered, they seemed to be talking about Luna’s newest dream which involved Trevor becoming the Prime Minister, the plot to a scooby doo episode, and a large tree that smashed anything that got too close to it.

When the coffee finally kicked in and he was fully aware of his surroundings, he noticed an empty seat at the staff table. Remus wasn’t there. _Maybe he slept in or something. Maybe you should ask him about it next time you see him._ But before he could think too much about it, the headmaster stood up and called for the attention of the students. 

“Years 10 and up, your English classes are cancelled for today. Please use that time as a free period. And try not to cause too much trouble.” He looked in the general direction of the Weasley twins. A few people who were well acquainted with their insane antics snickered at that but Harry hardly noticed. He was more occupied about the spiraling thoughts racing through his head about why his guardian’s classes would be cancelled for the day. 

_ Did something happen? Is Remus alright? Should you be worried?  _ He jumped up and almost ran out of the Great Hall, completely unaware of his friends calling out after him. He pulled out his phone and scrolled to find Remus’ contact. It rang several times before going to voicemail.  _ That can’t be good. There must be something going on. _ He scrolled to find the contact of his other guardian. Sirius picked up on the second ring.

“Hello? Sirius?” He almost shouted into the phone.

“Hey kiddo. What’s up?”  _ He doesn’t sound concerned. That’s a good sign. He would probably be more upset if something was wrong with his husband, right? But what if he just doesn’t know. What if nobody has contacted him yet? But why wouldn’t they contact him? What kind of school doesn’t notify emergency contacts-  _ Harry’s spiraling thoughts were quickly quieted by the voice on the other end of the phone. “Harry? You there kid?”

He immediately began trying to explain the situation to his guardian. His thoughts came out of his mouth like word vomit. “Remus isn’t answering my calls and they cancelled his classes and-” 

“Hey! Calm down. It’s okay. He’s just a bit ill. I just got off the phone with him. He’ll be fine after he gets a bit of rest.” He said, trying to ease the boy’s worries.

“Oh...okay…” Harry stopped to catch his breath.  _ When did you start hyperventilating. Jesus, you’re losing it. Why are you so freaked out? _

“Are you doing alright? If you wanted to visit him, I’m sure he’d be happy to see you. I’ll be up tomorrow evening to visit and check on him.” The boy could hear the concern in his guardian’s voice, but he knew it wasn’t for his husband. _ Great. You worried Sirius for no reason. You’re so stupid sometimes. Just get off the phone as quickly as possible. You’ve wasted enough of his time. _

“No, it’s all good. I’ll just let him rest.”

“Okay then…” The man did not sound convinced but he didn’t press the issue. “Well, in that case, I’ll see you tomorrow kid. Call me if you need me.” 

“Yeah, sure thing. Bye.” The boy hung up the phone before waiting for a response. He felt his breath quicken. 

_ This is bad. This isn’t ‘getting comfortable.’ This isn’t ‘being friendly.’ This is attachment. You idiot. You let yourself get attached. And the only thing that follows attachment is pain. It’s only a matter of time before things come crashing down. And now Sirius knows that you’ve gotten attached. He’s probably calling Amelia right now to get you moved. It’s probably for the best though. At least now you can’t destroy their lives anymore. Fuck! You just had to go and ruin it. _

Harry’s racing thoughts were interrupted by a hand gently shaking his shoulder. He looked up to see a head of red hair and the attached face, which looked very concerned. “Hey mate, are you alright?” Ron asked.  _ Oh great. This is the last thing you need. You really did it this time. You let yourself get attached to everyone didn’t you. You idiot.  _ “Mate?”

Harry roughly pushed the hand off his shoulder. “No. I’m not your ‘mate.’ We aren’t friends. Don’t kid yourself. You’re just someone for me to sit with at meals.” He saw Theo walking towards them over Ron’s shoulder.  _ Fuck. He knows something is up. Theo always knows.  _ The boy turned on his heels and sprinted all the way back to the dorms.  _ You just had to go and fuck things up again, didn’t you? Messing good things up seems to be the only thing you’re good at.  _ He tore open all of the drawers of his dresser and started frantically pulling everything out.  _ Why did you even kid yourself? You know that nothing good lasts. You’re a fucking twister, remember?  _ He started shoving his things into his duffel bag, completely forgoing any sort of order to the process.  _ Uncle Vernon was right about you. You’re a good for nothing freak. Nobody actually wants you. You’re just a waste of space. _ Suddenly there was someone pulling the things out of his hands and leading him out of the room by the hand. He looked up to see Theo leading him to his own dorm room. They sat down on his bed and his friend wrapped a blanket around him and started rubbing circles on his back. He spoke softly but it was still loud enough to be heard.

“Haz, I need you to breathe. Just focus on your breathing. And when you’re ready, I’m going to ask you about what’s going on and we are going to fix it. Okay? I got you.” Harry burst into tears.  _ Now you’re crying like a fucking baby. You really are pathetic, aren’t you? _ But Theo didn’t say anything. He just kept rubbing the smaller boy’s back and repeating ‘I got you.’

Harry had no idea how long they had been in Theo’s dorm before his sobs slowed and his breathing evened out enough for him to speak somewhat coherently. “I-I-I fu-fucked up Theo. I got a-attached. A-after the Smiths, I s-s-swore I’d-d never get a-at-attached again. I, I can’t do it again Th-Theo. It, It was too hard. I knew I sho-shouldn’t have go-gotten attached. But I di-did it anyway. Like an idiot.” Tears started trailing continuously out of his eyes and he sniffled and tried to catch his breath.. Theo pulled him in tighter, still rubbing circles on his back. 

“Harry, you did nothing wrong. You’ve been on your own for too long. It’s okay to let people in.”

“No it’s not Theo.” Harry weakly tried to push his friend away but his tears took an awful lot out of him so his hands just sat on his friend’s chest. “People around me get hurt. I’m a twister.”

Theo pulled his friend back into a crushing hug that wasn’t entirely unwelcome this time around. “Haz, I can only speak for myself, but I have loved having you here. And from what I’ve seen, I’m not the only one.” Anything else Theo said went unheard by Harry due to his sobs picking up once again.

Harry was still so distracted by his racing thoughts and his sight was blurred with tears. So he didn’t notice a blonde boy open the door and stare wide-eyed at the scene in front of him. He didn’t notice Draco walking towards him as if he might break. He didn’t notice Theo waving his hand for him to get out or the sound of the door closing. 

Theo turned back to him and pulled him down to lay on the bed. He kept brushing the hair out of his eyes and spoke in whispers which soothed Harry, even if he couldn’t make out what his friend was saying. Harry could only imagine this was the kind of comfort his mother might’ve given him and his sobs sped up once more.  _ You’ll never have that. You will never have a family to take care of you. The only thing you can do is drive people away and make their lives more difficult. Nobody wants you to stay around-  _

Suddenly, Theo’s hand left his hair and he was pulled back into reality, where he finally realized how incredibly exhausted he was. He watched as Theo put a glass of water on the table beside the bed. He crouched down in order to be at eye-level before he spoke. “You can go to sleep Haz. I’ll take care of everything. Don’t you worry, this will all work itself out.” 

Harry felt Theo running his fingers through his hair a few more times and he found that he could no longer keep his eyes open. The last thing he heard before he allowed himself to fall asleep was Theo whispering to himself. “Everything will be okay Haz. You’re due for some good from the universe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I didn’t update last week. I was hella depressed and couldn’t find the motivation to write. This chapter is a bit shorter than usual but I’ve been struggling a lot with this. Also, the chapter updates might be a little further apart from now on. I am sorry about that but please respect my mental health. Love y’all.   
> In other news, I went to visit my sister in Orlando and we got Universal annual passes and we spent the whole day in the wizarding world and I cried no less than 4 times, if you ever have the opportunity to go, PLEASE GO!!!!  
> Also, we are almost done with this fic but I’m working on a couple other fics that I hope y’all will like!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I look pretty good for a dead bitch.  
> Hello everyone! Thank you so much for all of your kind words, I appreciate them all so much! I apologize it took me so freaking long to get this chapter out, my brain just decided to flee my skeleton for several months. This chapter is a tiny bit shorter than usual but I’m fairly happy with it. I hope y’all enjoy it and I promise that I will finish posting this fic.

Harry made his way to Remus’ office, feeling like a prisoner walking to the gallows. The past few days since his last panic attack, Harry had been quite successful in his attempts at avoiding the man acting as his current guardian. He even managed to avoid Sirius when he came to check on Remus. But this morning that came to an end when he received a note from the man himself, requesting Harry for tea. All too soon, he was standing in front of the door. He took a deep breath before knocking. A voice told him to come in, but it wasn’t Remus. Harry furrowed his brows as he pulled open the door. Inside the office, he saw Sirius leaning back in the chair behind his husband’s chair, spinning slightly. Remus was walking towards the desk, holding a tray of tea and biscuits. At the sight of both of his guardians, Harry dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn’t want to see the look of pity on their faces. He knew that this conversation was a long time coming. _Nothing good ever lasts for you. What did you expect?_

Harry only moved from the doorway when Remus told him to come sit. He quickly made his way to the chair facing Sirius’, eyes still locked on the ground. Once he sat, Remus began speaking.

“Sirius and I have been talking for a while. Since Christmas actually. We weren’t sure how or when to bring this up to you. But Theodore came to see me the other day and-”

Harry zoned out. He didn’t need to listen to the speech he had heard so many times before. _You knew it was coming. Why are you so upset about it? Theo just sped up the process because he’s probably sick of you too. Of course he is after that last panic attack. You cried on him like a blubbering child. Just say something so the Black-Lupins don’t feel guilty. Don’t make things worse._ Harry took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut before speaking, too distracted by his inner turmoil to notice if he was interrupting the other man. “I know what you’re going to say and I just want to tell you that I understand. I shouldn’t have gotten attached. That’s my fault. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I-” 

Harry was cut off by a hand on his knee. He looked up to see Remus kneeling in front of him, _when did he come around the desk?_ Harry sucked in a breath. There was not an ounce of pity in the man’s eyes as he matched Harry’s gaze, staring straight into his soul. Harry’s vision clouded as they sat watching each other. He reached up a fist and viciously rubbed his eyes, as if it would stop the tears from forming. _Stop crying. You’ve been through this before. This is nothing new._ The man tightened his grip on Harry’s knee before breaking the heavy silence of the room.

“You think that everything inside of you is worthless and embarrassing. Isn’t that right Harry? And that is your worst fear.” Remus paused for just a moment before continuing. “Well I think you’re wrong. I think you have something inside of you that is worth a great deal.” The words barely registered in Harry’s mind before the man grabbed his husband’s hand, who had also made his way to the other side of the desk at some point. “We aren’t trying to get rid of you or anything else your mind is telling you. We want you to be a part of our family. Officially.”

Nothing on Earth could have prepared Harry to hear those words. He squeaked out a barely audible ‘what’ and Sirius chuckled and smiled warmly, putting a hand on his shoulder before speaking.

“Harry, we want to adopt you. We’ve only known you for a short time but we would be willing to give you the world if you let us. It is, of course, entirely your choice. Just know that we care so much for you. And no matter what you choose, we will support you.”

The world around Harry stilled and all the air left his lungs. He looked between the two men, searching their faces to tell if they were being sincere. Finally he spoke in a tiny whisper. “Is this a joke?” He watched as both men shook their heads. Their smiles were so genuine that Harry could no longer hold back his tears. He jumped up and hugged the pair so tightly, never wanting to let go and nodded frantically into their shoulders. For the first time in his memory, the bitter voice in Harry’s head was quiet.

~~~~~

Long after the untouched tea on Remus’ desk had gone cold and Harry had run out of tears, the three sat on the couch in the corner of Remus’ office. The man’s laptop was on the table in front of them and they were waiting for a reply from Amelia after sending her an email telling the news. A notification popped up only a few minutes after they had pressed send.

Amelia was absolutely thrilled that they had decided to put in an application to adopt Harry. She told them that she would start the process immediately. She also let them know that the entire thing would take several months, including more home inspections and interviews but she assured them that all would go well if she had any say in the matter, which she did. 

Both Remus and Sirius put their arms around Harry at the news, giving him a double side hug. The boy was happily enjoying the happy energy that filled the room. He felt safe and was content with sitting in the quiet office with his new parents. But the silence did not last very long. After all, Sirius was in the room.

“OH MY GOD!” Sirius jumped up and ran to Remus’ desk. Harry and Remus shared a look of absolute confusion, and a bit of fear.

“Are you going to share with the class dear?” Remus asked, exasperated by the doglike man. Sirius ignored his husband, opting to continue bouncing around while looking for something and mumbling to himself.

“Found it!” Sirius held up his phone, smiling triumphantly. He quickly started tapping on the screen, rushing over to plop himself next to Harry on the couch. He sat there, bouncing his leg as he put the phone on speakerphone, waiting for someone to pick up on the other side.

Finally there was a click, followed by a very loud, and somewhat familiar voice.

“My dear Padfood! To what do I owe the honor?” The mystery woman asked, practically yelling into the phone.

“Marly!” Sirius yelled, matching her volume. “I have news my beautiful Beansprout!”

Harry looked at Remus, about to question several things, including the odd nickname but he was met with a soft shake of the head and a look that said ‘I’ll explain later.’ Harry turned his attention back to the conversation between the overly excited man and his old history teacher.

“We just submitted the paperwork! We’re adopting Harry!”

Ms. McKinnon’s response could only be described as a screech and had both Harry and Remus covering their ears. 

“Oi! You’re gonna make us go deaf Marls!” Remus yelled into the phone.

“Is everyone there? Oh good! Hi Harry, Moony.” Harry could hear the bright smile the woman was wearing on the other end of the phone.

“Hi Ms. Mckinnon.”

“Oh please, Harry. I’m not your teacher anymore. Call me Aunt Marly.”

Harry chuckled and looked at his two new parents. He turned his attention back to the phone call with the woman who was responsible for his new life.

“Well, Aunt Marly, I wanted to thank you for everything. I wouldn't have any of this, friends, a school that I actually like and especially a real family, if it hadn’t been for you.” Harry sniffled and noticed that a tear escaped his eye. He ducked his head in embarrassment and felt Remus’ reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Oh Harry,” Marlene sounded soft when she spoke this time. “That’s all you kid. Like I told you, you’re amazing and it was only a matter of time before the people around you noticed it too.”

Harry chuckled before quickly changing the subject, starting to feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of emotions he was feeling. 

“So, who’s gonna spill the story behind Beansprout?” He asked with a smug smile. Remus and Sirius laughed and he heard a groan from the other end of the phone, making Harry laugh.

~~~~~ 

Several hours after Harry had first entered Remus’ office, he was closing the door of his dorm room and laying down on top of the covers of his bed. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face and it was starting to make his cheeks hurt, but he didn’t mind. He was still relishing in the fact that Remus and Sirius actually wanted to adopt him. They wanted to keep him in their lives permanently. And not only did he gain two fathers today, but also an aunt somehow. And all of Sirius’ family, even if that family included Malfoy. 

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts as he propped himself up on his elbows and watched Theo stick his head through the door with a knowing smile. 

“So, how was your little chat with Mr. Lupin?” He asked, pretending as if he didn’t somehow already know everything. _Theo always knows_. 

Harry scooted over, making room on his bed for Theo who gladly took the silent invitation. After a moment, Harry broke the silence with a whisper. 

“They’re adopting me.”

“I know.” Theo whispered back, grabbing his friend’s hand. Harry leaned his head to rest it on the shoulder of his oldest friend. 

“You don’t think they’ll regret it, do you?” Harry asked, suddenly doubting the last few hours. _Things like this don’t happen to you. The universe wouldn’t allow it. They’ll probably-_

“Harry, don’t even let yourself go there.” Theo cut off his anxiety-driven train of thoughts. “They love you. This isn’t something they decided on a whim. Don’t try and sabotage this. None of the people who love you will let you do that.” Theo waited until he felt Harry nod in understanding before continuing. “Speaking of which, I think there are of few people you should probably talk to.”

 _Ron...and probably Cedric as well._ Harry sighed, knowing his friend was right. “Fine. But not today. I just want to be happy today.” 

Theo squeezed his hand. “Exactly. So shut off that stupid brain of yours and let yourself enjoy the fact that you’re getting adopted. You can deal with everything else tomorrow.”

Harry hummed in response and closed his eyes. Things were starting to look up for Harry Potter. _It’s about damn time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peep me stealing that quote from Dead Poets Society.  
> I have several other fics that I’ve been working on while I was MIA. I’m posting one right after I upload this and I’m hoping to finish some other ones soon. I really hope y’all love them as much as I do. :)  
> I am making progress on the last couple chapters but I’m not going to make a promise of when I’ll upload them because I don’t want to stress myself out. But I promise they’re coming and I won’t disappear for months this time. :)  
> Also yes, I did change my username because I’ve been having a gender identity crisis and using the label lesbian feels weird now so yeah...just in case y’all were wondering about that. IDK. *Plays Hayloft by Mother Mother and runs away*


End file.
